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Monday, July 28, 2014

The Coming Out Party

by Discreet Serpent

My social media timeline has been flooded with the "coming out party" of Fifth (from Big Brother) the past couple of days. Interestingly enough, the reactions vary from tremendous support to unexplainable disgust. Local superstars such as Vice Ganda have openly shown support online, beaming at the courage it took to come out in the open on national tv. Other (less supporting) netizens felt that the "confession" was forced, and was used by the show to improve their ratings. The banters have gone back and forth, each bystander choosing sides and sticking to their guns.




Somewhere between the commotion is a young kid whose world is about to change. Waiting to come out of the rubble is a someone who is yet to face the consequences of his actions and decisions.

I was about the same age when I first came out. It was with one of my closest girl friends. I asked her to have dinner with me with the full intention of letting her in on my big secret. We dined for the first 30 minutes, and talked about different things in the hours that ensued. The whole time, I was having an internal discourse trying to figure out the perfect way to say what I wanted to say. It was awkward, and it was ridiculous. She probably thought that I was going to propose to her, the way I was acting.

Coming out was not as easy as I thought it would be. I was scared of rejection. I was worried about my best friend's reaction. I was hesitant to let anyone in. I think I was even a little ashamed of who I was.

After two or three hours I was finally able to say it: "I like men." I expected drama. I expected a barrage of questions. I expected ridicule. I expected the worst.

What I got, instead, was unconditional love and acceptance. She had her doubts, she said. She always wondered if I went the other way even with a string of girlfriends to show for. She was a bit surprised but not totally blindsided. She had questions but they were all made with excitement. It was like meeting her for the first time. It was exhilarating and exciting. We could not stop talking.

Over the years I started to come out to select close friends. It was addicting and it was fun. I loved watching my friends' reactions, and I loved how they made me feel with their acceptance. Even my "homophobic" friends turned out to be okay with how I was. I even found the guts to come out to a big group of friends during a party (it felt like the right time). I was happy for having the good sense to choose friends who are open-minded and accepting.

In retrospect, I totally get the fuss over Fifth's coming out party. Some people felt irritated about how he couldn't stop talking after publicly telling the world he is bisexual. Some people think that he is an attention whore who want to keep the spotlight to himself. Some people look at him as weak for creating all the drama just to say something that was "obvious" from the onset. Some people think that his fears are ridiculous and unfouned. They do not understand.

Here's an exercise for you: think about your deepest, darkest secret. That thing that has haunted your dreams or tainted your past. Something that you are deeply ashamed of. Something that your gut tells you to keep buried or stuck inside your closet. Now imagine how it would feel to share this secret to a group of people. Would it feel awkward? Would it be scary? Would it make you want to go in your room and hide under your bed?

Struggling about coming out is usually based on fear and shame. We are afraid about the changes that will happen once other people find out the real score. We are ashamed because homosexuals and bisexuals are still considered as "deviants" even by some of the more "accepting" members of the society. But most of the time, these fears become things of the past once you find the courage to speak up and show your true colors. The world is more accepting than you think.

Coming out is not easy for everybody. It sure wasn't easy for me. Come to think of it, I'm still partially in the closet because not a lot of people know about me (still). It's a decision that will remain my own, and that other people will have to respect.

Image courtesy of: https://ph.celebrity.yahoo.com/

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