Monday, March 23, 2015

7 Signs of Abuse in a Relationship

From Guest Writer "Casey"

There are probably moments in your relationship when you think you are ready to quit. In retrospect, you thought you were the luckiest person in the world when you and your partner met. You thought the universe has conspired to bring you to the perfect person. Eventually, however, you realized you were wrong. The bliss you once knew is now replaced with conflicting emotions. Both of your worlds have suddenly made a 180-degree turn for the worse. You have been physically, emotionally, financially and sexually abused. And despite that you still fail to identify the red flags that show you are in an abusive relationship.

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#1 Your partner is controlling every aspect of your life and you let it stay that way for too long.

He controls your every move. He has this habit of being bossy and that you are there to do every bidding. Furthermore, he believes that he should know everything that is going on with your life. He frequently interrogates you about where you were, whom you have been calling or texting and whom you are with. It even goes to the extent of checking your phone regularly. What you need is to set clear boundaries for them. Don’t be their puppet. This is a sign of abuse because he doesn’t allow you to be your own person. You don’t get to have the freedom and autonomy to do what you need to do; it always has to be done his way.

#2 Your partner blames you for his blunders and you are always there ready to absorb all his faults.

He plays the blame game so well even though he is obviously the one at fault. He is too proud to admit his mistakes. He redirects all errors to you and makes you feel guilty about it especially when it comes to being violent. You tolerate receiving all the blame and never budging to take a stand and because of that your partner is able to pass the responsibility and accountability of his faults so easily. This is sign of abuse because couples ought to take responsibility of their own faults and not direct the blame to only one of the couple.
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#3 Your partner abuses you verbally and you take it like it is normal.

He talks to you with harsh words when he wants to get his message across and it doesn’t matter when or where. It seems that doing such an act increases his self-esteem because he has someone to put down and degrade. Your partner calls you derogatory names, curses you and humiliates you privately or publicly. At first, you get hurt from all the euphemisms but as time passes you take it like it is normal. You have hardened your heart to whatever banter your partner can throw at you. This is a sign of abuse because that mutual respect that is expected of each relationship has obviously faded.

#4 Your partner isolates you from any support person and you feel powerless to change the situation.

Your partner tries to cut off ties from your friends or family. He gradually deprives you from calling them or visiting them on your free time until finally you drift away. He prevents you from getting a job and seeing other people. He also has unsubstantiated accusations that you are cheating and flirting with someone else. Severing your ties with people gives him greater control over you because now you have no other support person you can hold on to. This is a sign of abuse because the isolation makes you vulnerable and easy to manipulate.

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#5 Your partner tends to get physical on fights and forces sex and you end up unable to fight back and resist.

Physical and abuse is probably one of the most common traits of abuse in a relationship. This can be attributed to him feeling powerful and dominant over you that he literally becomes physical. Grabbing, hitting and pushing are just some ways by which he inflicts injury. Also your partner forces you to have sex and do things you don’t want to do. This is a sign of abuse because forcing one’s dominance over another person is just not right.

#6 Your partner loosely resort to threats and it is more than enough to tame you.

He utters threats like it’s normal. Your partner does this so that you will fear him and you won’t attempt to do things that he doesn’t like. He may yell and threaten to harm you or any of your family or friends. He may say statements like, “I will kill you,” but then take it back when he has finally defused his temper. When he charms you back you easily give in to his strategies of winning you back. This is a sign of abuse because this is instilling terror and no one deserves to be in a relationship that breeds fear.

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#7 Your partner is easily ticked off and have mood swings almost every day and you still live with it.

He easily gets angry and irritable but it may wax and wane. You become the easy target if he wants to draw that anger out after that he starts charming you back and the cycle repeats itself. You know you need to stop to all of this but you still put up with it. This is a sign of abuse because a relationship should promote emotional growth not emotional turmoil.

By now, you may feel confused and helpless but do not worry this is usually expected of someone who has experienced abuse. Do not sulk but rather let this article be an eye opener for you to take action. Don’t settle for what you have at present. Leaving a relationship is never easy but if staying means that you are sacrificing your safety then fleeing now is probably the best option. You are a person who gives love and needs love you should know that you deserve better.


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Monday, March 16, 2015

Love Has No Labels

Even as a kid, I have always believed that love has no labels. I have recently been asked this series of questions: Have you ever had girlfriends? Did you have sex with them? Did you just use them and not truly love them? Does that make you a lying jerk?

My response: I have, in fact, been in several heterosexual relationships in the past. And yes, I have been intimate with some of them. Does that make me straight? Not really. I think that deep down I have always known my sexual preference. Does that make me a liar? I'm not sure. What I do know is that I remember having strong feelings for all of them. And I have never forced myself into doing stuff with them. I have always said that I love the person and not the gender. That does not make sense to a lot of my friends, but it sure hell makes sense to me.

So I guess that's the reason why this video hit a homerun for me. It involves a simple stunt, really. Some guys put a giant x-ray screen in a crowded area and featured some dancing skeletons. These figures hugged, kissed and showed everyone what love is all about. They then step out and show everyone that love is universal, and that it has no race, religion, disability and gender.

Good stuff!


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Sunday, March 15, 2015

Gay Kid Comes Out; Dad Pours Boiling Water On Him

by Discreet Serpent

This headline caught my attention today:

Father poured boiling water over his gay son for coming out as gay.

What made my jaw drop:

1. These Lebanese men were trying to force a 15 year old gay kid into a straight marriage.

2. The kid's dad beat him and poured boiling water on him. One of the uncles doused him in petrol and threatened to set him on fire.

3. The perpetrators were fined 1,350 Euros each.

4. These all happened after the kid came out as gay.

Image courtesy of The Economist

This is very disturbing on so many levels. First, I'm not sure about Lebanese laws against homosexuality but I believe I read an article somewhere stating that the country treats homosexuals better compared to some of their neighboring countries. In any case, it is still a bit extreme for family members to deal with a gay kid with violence and threat to life.

Nobody deserves to be at the receiving end of boiling water and death threats. Let me rephrase that. Maybe criminals of the highest order deserve that kind of treatment (maybe), but certainly not a young kid who just wants to be true to himself. Violence does not solve anything, most certainly not the "problem" of homosexuality (in other words, you can't turn a gay guy straight by washing him off with boiling water).

Then there's the issue about forced marriage. As if getting a gay guy into bed with a woman would somehow magically turn him straight. In reality, an arranged marriage like this would most likely end up in disaster. The gay husband is likely to end up cheating on his poor wife. Things will get worse if they somehow manage to produce offspring.

What irks me the most is how miniscule the penalty is. 1,350 Euros. Is this how little a gay kid's life is valued? I wonder how much the "penalty" would have been if it was the kid who doused these criminals with boiling water?


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