Sunday, August 31, 2014
Straight Men React To Grindr - Gay Dating App
We've seen how straight men reacted to Jack'd. Now, let's watch these average straight guys and check out how they reacted to Grindr.
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Hot Straight Men Use Jack’d
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Chatroom Madness: What it Means to be Discreet
by Discreet Serpent
Originally Posted on July 31, 2014
I'm a huge fan of chatting, and I met some of my closest friends through the chatrooms of old. That being said, the culture within the walls of the chatroom continue to evade me for the most part. In this post, I will try to get my head around what it means to be discreet.
When you visit chat sites like Grindr or Jack'd, you will notice profiles of men with the word "discreet" written. Most of the time, it comes with a photo of a body part (not the face) or an object (a dog, a cup of coffee, the beach, etc). This indicates that the person wants to interact with a like-minded person without exposing himself to the world. This often implies that the member is a "straight-acting" guy, a closeted guy, or an adventurous "straight" guy. Likely, the profile will also mention that "non-manly" guys "need not inquire." To simplify, what the persons says is that he is a manly/masculine guy who wants to meet similar guys.
Merriam-Webster defines the word as having or showing discernment or good judgment in conduct and especially in speech : prudent; especially : capable of preserving prudent silence. This is a definition in a broader sense, and can pretty much apply to anything that requires prudence.
An online Urban Dictionary, on the other hand, has more "updated" definitions.
A word gay/bi men use to describe themselves in a cool way that they are closet cases and have no intention of coming out soon. This allows them to maintain perceived heterosexual privilege while engaging in their true sexual desires.
Discreet is a term used by gay men in online profiles, usually along with the phrase "can't host." These words can often be used interchangeably, but using them together is a definite sign of an insecure douche. Discreet and "can't host" usually mean one of the following:
a). My boyfriend doesn't know I am cheating on him.
b). My girlfriend/wife doesn't know I like to have sex with men.
c). I'm embarrassed of who I am, and I don't want my neighbors to find out I'm gay.
These definitions are obviously more LGBT appropriate. In essence, being "discreet" in a gay chatroom means that you want to engage in chat/sex/communication while attempting to maintain a certain privacy. You do not want the whole world to know you are gay/bi.
Here's the "controversial" part for me: I believe that the term is now being "overused" and "abused." Even men who technically do not fit the description of being "discreet" use the term as a bait to attract a certain type of guy. It usually doesn't up well because once the other person finds out the truth, the deal is off (they are, after all, looking for the same type of person). Other times, the effeminate guy ends up "pretending" to be straight-acting just to get what he wants. The complications that can arise are limitless because one or both parties are pretending to be someone they are not.
A red flag for me would be guys who claim to be discreet but proudly use a face photo on their profiles. So much for discretion. Any person who downloads the app will now know that you are gay, so what's the use in pretending to be discreet? I have nothing but respect for people who can proudly display their true selves, but dude, don't claim to be discreet okay?
At the end of the day, you just need to be yourself. You will probably end up attracting more genuine people that way. If you are out and proud, kudos! If you want to keep your sexuality hidden, I'm sure you have your reasons (after all, we should all just respect our differences and live our lives the way we want to).
RELATED POSTS:
Does bisexuality exist or is it a stepping stone to “full gayhood?”
Misconceptions about the DISCREET GAY GUY …
Do your parents know that you’re gay?
Originally Posted on July 31, 2014
I'm a huge fan of chatting, and I met some of my closest friends through the chatrooms of old. That being said, the culture within the walls of the chatroom continue to evade me for the most part. In this post, I will try to get my head around what it means to be discreet.
 |
| image courtesy of slate.com |
When you visit chat sites like Grindr or Jack'd, you will notice profiles of men with the word "discreet" written. Most of the time, it comes with a photo of a body part (not the face) or an object (a dog, a cup of coffee, the beach, etc). This indicates that the person wants to interact with a like-minded person without exposing himself to the world. This often implies that the member is a "straight-acting" guy, a closeted guy, or an adventurous "straight" guy. Likely, the profile will also mention that "non-manly" guys "need not inquire." To simplify, what the persons says is that he is a manly/masculine guy who wants to meet similar guys.
Merriam-Webster defines the word as having or showing discernment or good judgment in conduct and especially in speech : prudent; especially : capable of preserving prudent silence. This is a definition in a broader sense, and can pretty much apply to anything that requires prudence.
An online Urban Dictionary, on the other hand, has more "updated" definitions.
A word gay/bi men use to describe themselves in a cool way that they are closet cases and have no intention of coming out soon. This allows them to maintain perceived heterosexual privilege while engaging in their true sexual desires.
Discreet is a term used by gay men in online profiles, usually along with the phrase "can't host." These words can often be used interchangeably, but using them together is a definite sign of an insecure douche. Discreet and "can't host" usually mean one of the following:
a). My boyfriend doesn't know I am cheating on him.
b). My girlfriend/wife doesn't know I like to have sex with men.
c). I'm embarrassed of who I am, and I don't want my neighbors to find out I'm gay.
These definitions are obviously more LGBT appropriate. In essence, being "discreet" in a gay chatroom means that you want to engage in chat/sex/communication while attempting to maintain a certain privacy. You do not want the whole world to know you are gay/bi.
Here's the "controversial" part for me: I believe that the term is now being "overused" and "abused." Even men who technically do not fit the description of being "discreet" use the term as a bait to attract a certain type of guy. It usually doesn't up well because once the other person finds out the truth, the deal is off (they are, after all, looking for the same type of person). Other times, the effeminate guy ends up "pretending" to be straight-acting just to get what he wants. The complications that can arise are limitless because one or both parties are pretending to be someone they are not.
A red flag for me would be guys who claim to be discreet but proudly use a face photo on their profiles. So much for discretion. Any person who downloads the app will now know that you are gay, so what's the use in pretending to be discreet? I have nothing but respect for people who can proudly display their true selves, but dude, don't claim to be discreet okay?
At the end of the day, you just need to be yourself. You will probably end up attracting more genuine people that way. If you are out and proud, kudos! If you want to keep your sexuality hidden, I'm sure you have your reasons (after all, we should all just respect our differences and live our lives the way we want to).
RELATED POSTS:
Does bisexuality exist or is it a stepping stone to “full gayhood?”
Misconceptions about the DISCREET GAY GUY …
Do your parents know that you’re gay?
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Signs A Guy Might Be Gay
Have you ever wondered if your friend/classmate/roommate/officemate/neighbor is gay? Watch this video and you may get some tips on how to find out for sure. I'd say that one or two of the tips given are slightly stereotypical (and not excellent indicators), but the one about the eyes is spot on.
Or you can just try to seduce him and get the information you need first hand.
RELATED POSTS
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Are Gay Guys Incapable of Monogamy?
by Discreet Serpent
Originally Posted on August 7, 2014
image courtesy of nomblog.com
Originally Posted on August 7, 2014
Earlier today, I sent this question
out via different social media channels:
“Hi
guys! Do you believe that gay guys are capable of monogamy, or are we built to
have multiple partners? Is cheating part of what makes us who we are? Have you
ever cheated/been cheated on?”
I was pleasantly surprised with the
overwhelming response I got, specifically from the gay chat app that’s normally
used for hooking up. Different people, different opinions, all valid and within
reason. Who says that chat rooms are now bereft of people who make sense?
If you are interested to find out
what these boys think, read on…
On
Being Faithful
“Yes, we can be faithful just like
heterosexual couples… thinking that we are different and having too much
freedom (no marriage) are some of the reasons why our behavior (with being in a
relationship) is different from the norm. I think being polygamous is a norm
with the male species, but it still boils down to how much they (gay couples) love
each other and how they value their friendship…”
***Tripping***
“Men can be faithful. All it takes is
discipline. Doing things that should be done even if you don’t feel like doing
them. If the right person comes along, you will be ready to be “selfless.” At
that point, being faithful wont be as difficult.
***Barurotmoko***
“We are capable of monogamy.”
***BigBadWolf***
“Yes I do believe in monogamy. But
yeah, monogamy is difficult.”
***Tytos***
On
Polygamy
“People of all gender/preference are
capable of cheating.”
***1000 Rejectedme***
“I think there’s no difference with
heterosexual relationships. Some guys are capable of committing to one partner,
while some are not contented. They are looking for other partners simply
because of the urge.”
***Paul Dominique***
“Men in general are polygamous.”
***Anonymous***
“By nature they say men are
polygamous. So imagine, two polygamous men combined in this context. With two
gay guys, who are men, polygamy would be an impossibility.
***Nice & Decent***
“Yes! Not just capable, but most of
the time gay guys are used to having multiple partners. Perfect example: the
number one source of HIV in the country are bisexuals. We can only count
couples who can share their love forever. This is also why most gay/bi guys are
single til they reach 60.
***Chok***
“Yes, im cheating. I guess I just
want to experience other partners. I am not satisfied with what I get from my
partner sometimes.”
***Lander***
“I believe that men, not just gays,
are by nature polygamous. This is why Islam allows men to enter multiple
marriages. This is also why shows like The Legal Wife and My Husband’s Lover
are accepted in our society. Men are likely to become unfaithful.”
***Barurotmoko***
“A gay guy is still a man. Man is by
nature polygamous”.
***Jieben***
On
Social Influences
“If a person repeatedly cheats in
every relationship, then he might have his own issues. It may be the way the
person was brought up, his socio-economic status, or certain identity issues. Values and educational backgrounds
are some factors that contribute to this behavior.”
***Yok***
“Is cheating part of what makes us
who we are? Why do we cheat in the first place? I believe there are social
factors involved. Discreet gay guys, in particular, have all the freedom to
sleep around. Nobody would notice because we are “discreet.” There are no
social pressures because we don’t get pregnant, and nobody can judge us if we
remain discreet. Nobody will suspect that we are cheating just because we are
seen with another guy, and nobody will tell us to stop cheating.”
***Nice &
Decent***
image courtesy of blogs.telegraph.co.uk
On
Discipline and Maturity
“Are we capable of monogamy? Sure,
but age and maturity are important factors. Based on my experience, I laid low
when I was 28 (I am now 30). Nowadays, I value time and companionship, good and
meaningful conversation over sex.”
***Nice & Decent***
“Of course, I do believe that we are
capable of monogamy. I can say this despite having been cheated on , and
despite me having cheated as well. I cannot talk for the person who cheated on
me, but I can speak for myself. Ultimately, it was a conscious choice that I
made, giving in to lust and carnal desires. That was just it. The key to
monogamy is to always choose the higher road, and to communicate openly with
your partner about what you really want.”
***Anonymous***
There
is hope yet
“Historically and biblically ,
polygamy is man’s nature. Only a loving, selfless and God-fearing man can
counter his nature. I still believe that there are guys (gay and straight
alike) who are capable of true love.”
***Barurotmoko***
“I believe that every gay man is
capable of monogamy. As long as there is discipline, definitely it will work.
Temptation is always there. But if we know how to stay out of it, it would do
wonders. I’ve been in a serious relationship. I never cheat. We have never
cheated with each other so I know all of us can do that.”
***Jed***
“I believe in monogamous
relationships. Yes, I’ve been cheated on and I also cheated in my previous
relationship. And it really sucks. Maybe it can be regarded as a phase, a part
of growing up. To know ourselves better.”
***Yok***
image courtesy of vi.sualize.us
My
Takeaways
I am very thankful for all these guys
(and the rest who didn’t make the cut) for sharing their opinions on the topic.
I would like to state that each and everyone of us are entitled to our own
opinions, and we are certainly free to live our lives the way we want to.
I have nothing against people who
cheat. In our society, cheating has turned out to be a norm of sorts. As
long as you don’t get caught, you’re fine (or so they say).
Having said that, I do believe that
monogamy is still possible even in a culture such as ours. It is a tad more
challenging compared to our heterosexual counterparts, I must agree, but it is
still something attainable. I refuse to let everyone believe otherwise.
Thinking that monogamy is not possible is the first step to losing the battle.
Possibilities are only limited by our imagination. If we think something is not
doable, we are doomed to failure.
I have seen gay couples who practice
monogamy (not a lot, I must add. But they’re out there). I have also talked to
a lot of gay guys who want to be in committed, monogamous relationships. It may
sound idealistic to some, but these people believe that they deserve nothing
less than a real loving relationship. Hopefully, these people end up with each
other so they are spared the pain and heartache.
Being in a monogamous relationship is
a decision. Or at least, it begins with a decision. A commitment to stay true
and firm, and to honor the love of your partner. It shouldn’t matter if you
were raised otherwise or if you are surrounded by people who don’t value these
things. What matters is how you decide to live. Make a choice, and be prepared
to live with your choice. Whatever makes you happy.
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Friday, August 29, 2014
Bashing Miss Spain: The First (Openly) Lesbian Beauty Queen
 |
Chanced upon this post and anonymous comment the other day. Roughly translated, it says:
"Wow, she's one lucky girl. She got to see the other 'straight' contestants half naked (like a peeping tom) up close because she pretended to be 'straight.' Talk about taking advantage of others."
This is exactly the kind of mentality that keeps us in the middle ages. I wish the commenter didn't hide behind anonymity so we, in turn, can bash the hell out of him or her. Or at least set the record straight. Gay people aren't out in the world to spread promiscuity and to take advantage of people. Most of us are actually pretty decent, if you can believe that. A twisted mind is not brought about by sexual preference, but by a person's character.
Kudos to Miss Spain for having the courage to come out. She didn't have to, but that's her decision. And everyone should just respect that.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
The Go-See
by Discreet Serpent
Ever since I hit puberty, I've been the object of desire for both women and gay guys alike. I'm not sure what they see in me. It could be the well chiseled body resulting from hard labor at the factory. Or perhaps the abundant facial and bodily hair I inherited from my Middle Eastern dad, I heard that's a thing. It may as well be my boyish charm and shy demeanor. Whatever it is, they can't seem to get enough of me. And I don't like it one bit.
These qualities were put to the test today. I needed cash for my mom's heart operation, and I was desperate to earn it in the soonest possible time. My friend John told me he was going to a go-see for a modeling agency and asked if I was interested. I hesitated for a second, but figured that I really had little choice in the matter.
The go-see was nerve-wracking. I had no idea what to expect, and didn't know what to do. When it came to my turn, the agent asked me to step inside a small room. He calmly asked me to take off all my clothes. I nervously complied, taking my time in taking off each piece of garment. "Let me help you out," he said with a naughty grin. "Just trust me. I'll take care of you," he added. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. But I don't have a choice.
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 |
| image courtesy of uturnrebel.tumblr.com |
These qualities were put to the test today. I needed cash for my mom's heart operation, and I was desperate to earn it in the soonest possible time. My friend John told me he was going to a go-see for a modeling agency and asked if I was interested. I hesitated for a second, but figured that I really had little choice in the matter.
The go-see was nerve-wracking. I had no idea what to expect, and didn't know what to do. When it came to my turn, the agent asked me to step inside a small room. He calmly asked me to take off all my clothes. I nervously complied, taking my time in taking off each piece of garment. "Let me help you out," he said with a naughty grin. "Just trust me. I'll take care of you," he added. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. But I don't have a choice.
RELATED POSTS
The Dancer in the Court
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8 Signs That a Guy is Hitting On You
by Discreet Serpent
We are all suckers for love. Even when we don't want it, we have a natural tendency to find it. It could be for companionship, for sex, for good conversation. Whatever it may be, we all consciously (or unconsciously) hope to find our soul mate in a random encounter. But what if we miss out on the signs? What if he's been there all along, right in front of us, and we somehow fail to notice that he's interested?
What are the signs that someone is interested in you?
3. You are the Target Market
A person who is interested in you will try his best to impress you. He does not care about the people around you; they are all part of the interior decoration for all he cares. One clear cut way of identifying if someone interested in you is to observe how he cracks jokes. A disinterested person would address the crowd like he would in a show. The jokes are likely taken from a page of a funny book. His connection with the crowd is superficial and impersonal. His goal is to make everyone in the group laugh.
Someone interested in you, on the other hand, will focus on you. It's like he's telling you a private joke in your own personal world, without a care for everybody else. The other people in the group might find his jokse corny, but he will try to target YOUR sense of humor and say something that he thinks would make YOU laugh.
4. He treats you differently
He could be the biggest jerk when he is with his friends, or a super strict boss to his employees. But when he's with you? He suddenly transforms into the sweetest and most sensitive guy. This boy is trying to get on your good side, and he is putting his best foot forward. He is trying to be someone whom he thinks can win you over. At the same time, you will notice that he is always nervous around you. This is probably because he is afraid to make a blunder that would scare you off. He is trying very hard to impress you, and he ends up a nervous wreck in the process.
5. A series of personal questions
If you are interested in someone, you would want to know everything about him, right? So if this guy likes you, he will start getting personal and ask you detailed questions about your activities. He will ask you about your childhood, your educational background, your work experiences, your favorite hobbies, and even your dog. He will be interested in what you were called as a kid, what you had for breakfast last weekend, and what you wear in your sleep. Some questions may be too personal for you, and this is an indication that you may not have the same interest in him. After all, if you really like him, your life should be an open book.
8. Invasion of your Personal Space
We learned this in psychology: each person has a "personal space" that he doesn't want to be invaded by anyone. It's different for everyone, but the idea is to stay a safe physical distance from someone to avoid getting into an uncomfortable situation. It could be an arm's length away, or a the length of a hair strand. If your guy doesn't seem to mind your (and his) personal space, then that means that he may be trying to get close to you. He will try to push his boundaries: a touch here and a pat there. These physical moves will escalate into more daring caresses for as long as you allow them.
It is usually flattering if someone shows their interest, and it is your responsibility to either entertain this or to gently turn the person down. Understanding these signs is the first step to building a good relationship with someone. If you are interested, take the leap and don't let the person get away.
RELATED POSTS:
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We are all suckers for love. Even when we don't want it, we have a natural tendency to find it. It could be for companionship, for sex, for good conversation. Whatever it may be, we all consciously (or unconsciously) hope to find our soul mate in a random encounter. But what if we miss out on the signs? What if he's been there all along, right in front of us, and we somehow fail to notice that he's interested?
What are the signs that someone is interested in you?
 |
| image courtesy of homorazzi.com |
1. Social Networking Stalker
If a guy likes you, he will make his presence felt in Facebook or Twitter. He will "like" everything you post, and make cute comments about how awkward you look in a photo or how fun your weekend activity was. He will check all your previous tweets and send you a direct message about how one of your posts affected him directly. He will try to start a conversation with you and chat with you until the wee hours of the morning. He will even talk about common friends that you have, and how it's a small world. He is likely to lure you into asking him to join in on the fun next time.
2. He's on "Protector Mode" all the time
A guy who likes you will have a tendency is to be protective of you even if you don't need protection. It could be a conscious effort to keep you on the "safe side" when you cross the street, or a sudden urge to punch someone who has done you wrong. It could even be a simple request asking people to leave you alone when you become the butt of a joke. If you care about someone, you would want to do anything in your power to keep him from harm. And no, the threat does not have to be real when he goes on "Protector Mode." Chances are, he comes to your defense even when you don't need it at all. And if you like him back, you will find this valiant effort "cute."
A person who is interested in you will try his best to impress you. He does not care about the people around you; they are all part of the interior decoration for all he cares. One clear cut way of identifying if someone interested in you is to observe how he cracks jokes. A disinterested person would address the crowd like he would in a show. The jokes are likely taken from a page of a funny book. His connection with the crowd is superficial and impersonal. His goal is to make everyone in the group laugh.
Someone interested in you, on the other hand, will focus on you. It's like he's telling you a private joke in your own personal world, without a care for everybody else. The other people in the group might find his jokse corny, but he will try to target YOUR sense of humor and say something that he thinks would make YOU laugh.
 |
| image courtesy of reviewsbyjessewave.com |
4. He treats you differently
He could be the biggest jerk when he is with his friends, or a super strict boss to his employees. But when he's with you? He suddenly transforms into the sweetest and most sensitive guy. This boy is trying to get on your good side, and he is putting his best foot forward. He is trying to be someone whom he thinks can win you over. At the same time, you will notice that he is always nervous around you. This is probably because he is afraid to make a blunder that would scare you off. He is trying very hard to impress you, and he ends up a nervous wreck in the process.
5. A series of personal questions
If you are interested in someone, you would want to know everything about him, right? So if this guy likes you, he will start getting personal and ask you detailed questions about your activities. He will ask you about your childhood, your educational background, your work experiences, your favorite hobbies, and even your dog. He will be interested in what you were called as a kid, what you had for breakfast last weekend, and what you wear in your sleep. Some questions may be too personal for you, and this is an indication that you may not have the same interest in him. After all, if you really like him, your life should be an open book.
6. He will ask sex-related questions
If a guy is interested in you, he will definitely want to find out if you are sexually compatible. After all, that's a very important aspect of a relationship. The questions could be awkward, or they can be direct. But essentially, he will want to find out if you're top, bottom, or versatile. He will also be curious about your sexual habits, fetishes, and fantasies. He will want to know where you get your porn, and what kind of positions you have tried in the past. You may think these are conversations brought about by the curiosity of a friend, but think again. There is a big possibility that he is out to find out if you two will click together as a couple (in bed).
-Step-11.jpg) |
| image courtesy of wikihow.com |
7. You have a lot of things in common
All the questions and conversations would magically lead to one conclusion: the two of you have a lot of things in common! He will agree to almost anything you say. You will hear things like "Oh yeah! I loved that movie! It was the best!" or "I've been to that restaurant but I need to try that dish!" Some of these will be sincere, while the rest will be an act. But this is the most used trick in the book: to capitalize on common interests to bring the relationship to the next level.
We learned this in psychology: each person has a "personal space" that he doesn't want to be invaded by anyone. It's different for everyone, but the idea is to stay a safe physical distance from someone to avoid getting into an uncomfortable situation. It could be an arm's length away, or a the length of a hair strand. If your guy doesn't seem to mind your (and his) personal space, then that means that he may be trying to get close to you. He will try to push his boundaries: a touch here and a pat there. These physical moves will escalate into more daring caresses for as long as you allow them.
It is usually flattering if someone shows their interest, and it is your responsibility to either entertain this or to gently turn the person down. Understanding these signs is the first step to building a good relationship with someone. If you are interested, take the leap and don't let the person get away.
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The Six Gays You'll Date Before You Die
This video would probably bring the gay cause back a few steps, but what the heck. We can all use a few laughs. Just don't take it too seriously. So, are you ready to find out the 6 kinds of gay guys that you will date before you die?
1. The Gym Bunny - the one who makes the girls upset that he's gay and the one that guys wish they were.
2. The Masc Gay - the one who likes sports and cars, and is all about masculinity.
3. The Closeted Gay - good luck with trying to be within 3 feet of him in public.
4. The Slut - don't even ask for his number coz before you even get your zipper back up, he's gone!
5. The Bisexual - you are constantly monitoring who he has his eyes on.
6. The Queen - the guy who always looks like he just stepped out of a fashion magazine.
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Wednesday, August 27, 2014
The Lifeguard
by Discreet Serpent
I used to be on the heavy side; a nerd who just wanted to spend the day reading a book in a secluded beach. How I loved those quiet mornings; the cool sea breeze, the calming sound of splashing waves, the playful birds in the background, me sitting under a palm tree. Everything changed when other guys discovered my secret spot.
A bunch of jocks, in particular, made my life miserable. They constantly picked on me, calling me names and telling me a guy with my body type shouldn't be seen without a shirt on in public. They called me an eyesore, and they laughed at me. I tried to ignore their childish antics, but they kept pushing me to my limits. One day, I decided to just stop going to that beach. I had other things to do.
That miserable experience inspired me to take swimming lessons. I trained every single day for a year. I also went to the gym on a daily basis. I was fueled by the humiliation I felt from those bullies. Never again, I said.
Today, I came back to my favorite beach as a lifeguard. The bullies saw me, and I noticed several jaws dropping. Of course they recognized me. And now, it seems like they want me.
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 |
| image courtesy of capolavoroart.com |
A bunch of jocks, in particular, made my life miserable. They constantly picked on me, calling me names and telling me a guy with my body type shouldn't be seen without a shirt on in public. They called me an eyesore, and they laughed at me. I tried to ignore their childish antics, but they kept pushing me to my limits. One day, I decided to just stop going to that beach. I had other things to do.
That miserable experience inspired me to take swimming lessons. I trained every single day for a year. I also went to the gym on a daily basis. I was fueled by the humiliation I felt from those bullies. Never again, I said.
Today, I came back to my favorite beach as a lifeguard. The bullies saw me, and I noticed several jaws dropping. Of course they recognized me. And now, it seems like they want me.
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Dating a Bisexual Guy: 6 Things to Know
by Discreet Serpent
Bisexual guys are an enigma to most people, gay guys in particular. We only understand our own experiences, and cling to the notion that anything beyond what we know must be myth. We dismiss bisexuality as a "phase" or a "shield" that closeted gay guys use to protect their privacy. Truth be told, there is a lot of confusion about it even in the LGBT community. As such, a lot of gay relationships involving bisexual guys end up doomed.
What we should understand, however, is that these relationships mostly end up in failure because of pre-conceived notions that should be corrected. Here are some essential things that every gay guy needs to know before dating a bisexual guy:
1. They are not "in transition"
A lot of gay guys used the term "bisexual" to define themselves when they started out experimenting with other guys. Being a bisexual was seen as "cool" and was an attractive "quality" that drew other men to hooking up with them. As time progresses, these "bisexuals" gradually come out and fully embrace their identity as gay guys. This kind of experience led many gay guys to believe that bisexuality is a "transition" or a "stepping stone" towards full homosexuality.
Bisexuality, however, does exist. This is a hard fact for some gay guys to swallow, but we can not rule out something just because it is contrary to our own personal experiences. Different people deal with their identity issues in different ways. Some guys like both guys and girls. Deal with it. Learn to accept it. And don't let this get in the way of your relationship.
2. Don't force him out of the closet
Bisexuals have a lot of issues to deal with personally, and they should be given enough space to deal with these issues on their own. Society seems to understand homosexuals a lot more than bisexuals, and this social stigma keeps a lot of bisexuals hidden in the closet. Forcing your bisexual partner to come out in any way will only jeopardize your relationship. Just accept him for who he is and leave him alone with his issues. He will ask for your help when he is ready.
3. Communication is key
You should not let your differences affect the way you talk to each other. As much as possible, try to learn about each other and how you are dealing with your sexual orientation. Express your feelings and be open about things that could affect your relationship. On the other hand, avoid going overboard and over-discussing things that are best left unsaid. It gets really old, for instance, if you keep on asking him to explain each and every time he looks at a girl. You don't want your entire relationship to be full of discussions about bisexuality and homosexuality. There are a lot of other things to talk about.
6. People will ask; Be ready
When your friends find out about your bisexual partner, they will surely ask a lot of questions. They are likely to bring up different misconceptions that they have, and try to convince you to find somebody else. They will ask for sordid details, and question you about your readiness to "compete" with both men and women. Take this as an opportunity to explain things and to make people understand how things really work. Maybe, just maybe, you will end up helping the fight against ignorance and discrimination in your own little way.
We all have our personal struggles, and the bisexual community has its own share of problems and concerns. Just like homosexuals, they need to be freed from stereotype and pre-conceived notions. A relationship between a gay guy and a bisexual guy will not be a walk in the park. However, as long as there is mutual love and respect it should be able to withstand the test of time.
RELATED POSTS
Does bisexuality exist or is it a stepping stone to “full gayhood?”
Misconceptions about the DISCREET GAY GUY …
When Your Boyfriend Prefers to Stay Inside His Closet
Bisexual guys are an enigma to most people, gay guys in particular. We only understand our own experiences, and cling to the notion that anything beyond what we know must be myth. We dismiss bisexuality as a "phase" or a "shield" that closeted gay guys use to protect their privacy. Truth be told, there is a lot of confusion about it even in the LGBT community. As such, a lot of gay relationships involving bisexual guys end up doomed.
What we should understand, however, is that these relationships mostly end up in failure because of pre-conceived notions that should be corrected. Here are some essential things that every gay guy needs to know before dating a bisexual guy:
 |
| image courtesy of scienceofrelationships.com |
A lot of gay guys used the term "bisexual" to define themselves when they started out experimenting with other guys. Being a bisexual was seen as "cool" and was an attractive "quality" that drew other men to hooking up with them. As time progresses, these "bisexuals" gradually come out and fully embrace their identity as gay guys. This kind of experience led many gay guys to believe that bisexuality is a "transition" or a "stepping stone" towards full homosexuality.
Bisexuality, however, does exist. This is a hard fact for some gay guys to swallow, but we can not rule out something just because it is contrary to our own personal experiences. Different people deal with their identity issues in different ways. Some guys like both guys and girls. Deal with it. Learn to accept it. And don't let this get in the way of your relationship.
2. Don't force him out of the closet
Bisexuals have a lot of issues to deal with personally, and they should be given enough space to deal with these issues on their own. Society seems to understand homosexuals a lot more than bisexuals, and this social stigma keeps a lot of bisexuals hidden in the closet. Forcing your bisexual partner to come out in any way will only jeopardize your relationship. Just accept him for who he is and leave him alone with his issues. He will ask for your help when he is ready.
3. Communication is key
You should not let your differences affect the way you talk to each other. As much as possible, try to learn about each other and how you are dealing with your sexual orientation. Express your feelings and be open about things that could affect your relationship. On the other hand, avoid going overboard and over-discussing things that are best left unsaid. It gets really old, for instance, if you keep on asking him to explain each and every time he looks at a girl. You don't want your entire relationship to be full of discussions about bisexuality and homosexuality. There are a lot of other things to talk about.
 |
| image courtesy of slate.com |
4. They are not (necessarily) promiscuous
Another popular misconception: bisexuals like men and women, and they have a much wider choice of sexual partners than anyone else. As such, they must be having sex all the time.
Just because bisexual guys have more options than the rest of us doesn't necessarily mean that they are slutty or that they sleep around a lot. Bisexuality does not equate to polygamy. And besides, don't they say the same thing about gay guys? In reality, a person's sexual orientation does not dictate his sexual appetite. Sleeping around or cheating is actually a result of a person's character.
5. Don't get jealous
Jealousy is a relationship killer. If you are in a relationship with a gay guy, you may have a tendency to get jealous everytime he talks to another guy. Imagine how it would be like to date a bisexual guy. You could go crazy because no matter where he goes, and no matter who he talks to, you are not safe!
Try not to get too jealous, my friend. If you do, it could spell the end of your relationship (and quite possibly your sanity). Jealousy creates paranoia, and can lead you to believe things that are not necessarily there. Your relationship needs to be based on trust. Don't accuse him of anything unless you have undeniable proof worthy of being presented as evidence in court.
6. People will ask; Be ready
When your friends find out about your bisexual partner, they will surely ask a lot of questions. They are likely to bring up different misconceptions that they have, and try to convince you to find somebody else. They will ask for sordid details, and question you about your readiness to "compete" with both men and women. Take this as an opportunity to explain things and to make people understand how things really work. Maybe, just maybe, you will end up helping the fight against ignorance and discrimination in your own little way.
We all have our personal struggles, and the bisexual community has its own share of problems and concerns. Just like homosexuals, they need to be freed from stereotype and pre-conceived notions. A relationship between a gay guy and a bisexual guy will not be a walk in the park. However, as long as there is mutual love and respect it should be able to withstand the test of time.
RELATED POSTS
Does bisexuality exist or is it a stepping stone to “full gayhood?”
Misconceptions about the DISCREET GAY GUY …
When Your Boyfriend Prefers to Stay Inside His Closet
The Eight Types Of Gay Guys I've Dated
Which one are you dating right now?
The Scenester - the guy who parties all night
The Revolutionist - a gay rights advocate who can't seem to shut up
The Sophisticate - the metrosexual brought to the next level
The Manchild - the guy who didn't grow up
The Romantic - someone who sighs at everything "cute"
The Competitor - the fraternity president who always wants to be on top
The Alternative - the super cool guy; you have no idea what he does for a living.
The One - the end of this list and the beginning of something special
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Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Hot Guy of the Week: Joseph Marco
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| image courtesy of thedigitalspy.com |
Afternoons are also made exciting because of the Philippine version of "Pure Love." His character, Dave, is the epitome of a perfect guy: handsome, caring, responsible, protective, and loyal. This young actor certainly knows how to tickle a viewer's imagination. He shows a good balance of acting and body exposure.
The Painter
by Discreet Serpent
I needed a change. I've been doing the same shit for ten years now, and quite frankly I might lose it soon. Nothing I can do about my day job, unless I quit and find something new. Not a lot of options for a bank employee like me though. I will probably reach retirement age doing the same thing on a daily basis. I don't have time for dates, either. I would rather spend my only day off sleeping all day.
So I decided to have my walls painted. It may sound silly, but maybe a fresh scenario when I wake up in the morning would help make the rest of the day better. The painter came over earlier than expected; I was supposed to get groceries first. I asked him to start the job while I went out to the supermarket. I heard him mumble something about forgetting to bring his work clothes, but I chose to ignore it and headed out.
When I got back an hour later, I heard music playing inside my room. The painter must have taken the liberty to turn my player on. I didn't mind, really. As long as he did a good job with my walls, I'm good. I went inside my room to check how he was doing, and I was surprised to see him naked. He was surprised to see me; he didn't expect me back so soon. He apologized, saying he didn't have his work clothes and he can't afford to have paint on his clean clothes. "Don't worry," I said. "Everything looks really good from where I'm standing."
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| image courtesy of deviantart.com |
So I decided to have my walls painted. It may sound silly, but maybe a fresh scenario when I wake up in the morning would help make the rest of the day better. The painter came over earlier than expected; I was supposed to get groceries first. I asked him to start the job while I went out to the supermarket. I heard him mumble something about forgetting to bring his work clothes, but I chose to ignore it and headed out.
When I got back an hour later, I heard music playing inside my room. The painter must have taken the liberty to turn my player on. I didn't mind, really. As long as he did a good job with my walls, I'm good. I went inside my room to check how he was doing, and I was surprised to see him naked. He was surprised to see me; he didn't expect me back so soon. He apologized, saying he didn't have his work clothes and he can't afford to have paint on his clean clothes. "Don't worry," I said. "Everything looks really good from where I'm standing."
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When Your Boyfriend Prefers to Stay Inside His Closet
by Discreet Serpent
Had an interesting discussion with a guy named RJ last Friday. Here's how it went:
RJ: Here's a possible topic for you: Can a relationship last when both partners are in the closet? The answer is probably NO.
Me: That's an interesting question. May I ask why you think that being closeted affects it? (Sorry to hear about the breakup).
RJ: The closet isn't the best place to have a relationship. You're together but it's a secret. You hide it from family and friends. So you're together but you aren't together at the same time. You meet late night or at places where you won't be seen.
Me: Some people actually prefer the closet, where it's nice and comfy and private, and where there are no judgments.
RJ: Having others bear witness to your happiness I think is a whole other dimension to a relationship. I thought we were fine in the closet. Companionship was enough for me...
That conversation really hit close to home, as I have had similar struggles in the past. Which led me to ask these questions: "Do you think that a gay relationship can last long term or work out if one of the parties is 'in the closet?' Will this lifestyle difference have a negative impact on their relationship? Have you ever been in such a situation?" As always, my chat contacts were more than happy to oblige.
Some of the respondents had the tendency to just shy away from such complications. They have likely seen this issue escalate and ruin relationships around them. A lot of people take pride in the person they are dating, and having to keep that relationship a secret is tantamount to being ashamed of it.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, it boils to what both parties can handle in the relationship. Just like any other issue or concern, you and your boyfriend just need to find a common ground where you can both agree or compromise. You should have a serious discussion, and determine if staying in the closet (or sharing your love story to the world) is more important than keeping your relationship intact. You should respect each other's decision, and try to enjoy each other without complicating your relationship too much.
Had an interesting discussion with a guy named RJ last Friday. Here's how it went:
 |
| image courtesy of goodreads.com |
RJ: Here's a possible topic for you: Can a relationship last when both partners are in the closet? The answer is probably NO.
Me: That's an interesting question. May I ask why you think that being closeted affects it? (Sorry to hear about the breakup).
RJ: The closet isn't the best place to have a relationship. You're together but it's a secret. You hide it from family and friends. So you're together but you aren't together at the same time. You meet late night or at places where you won't be seen.
Me: Some people actually prefer the closet, where it's nice and comfy and private, and where there are no judgments.
RJ: Having others bear witness to your happiness I think is a whole other dimension to a relationship. I thought we were fine in the closet. Companionship was enough for me...
That conversation really hit close to home, as I have had similar struggles in the past. Which led me to ask these questions: "Do you think that a gay relationship can last long term or work out if one of the parties is 'in the closet?' Will this lifestyle difference have a negative impact on their relationship? Have you ever been in such a situation?" As always, my chat contacts were more than happy to oblige.
A good percentage of the respondents believe that a relationship can still work even if one person is in the closet. For them, the most important factors would be love and commitment. Both parties should love each other enough to accept what makes them different. They should both have a solid decision to stick to the relationship and keep it running no matter the odds.
Just like me, there are some people who experienced (or are experiencing) being in a relationship with someone who doesn't share his privacy concerns. It is truly a challenge: there are too many things going on in a relationship and worrying about issues of privacy and secrecy just adds to the pile of issues and concerns.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, it boils to what both parties can handle in the relationship. Just like any other issue or concern, you and your boyfriend just need to find a common ground where you can both agree or compromise. You should have a serious discussion, and determine if staying in the closet (or sharing your love story to the world) is more important than keeping your relationship intact. You should respect each other's decision, and try to enjoy each other without complicating your relationship too much.
If Guy Best Friends Acted Like Girl Best Friends
Two guys making fun of girls. So this is how it looks like when two guys act like girl best friends. Are they right on, or are their actions a bit exaggerated? You decide.
Monday, August 25, 2014
The Bathhouse Kiss
by Discreet Serpent
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| image courtesy of wmassnipguy.tumblr.com |
It was my first time to enter a bathhouse, and I was both really excited and really scared. I've heard stories from friends who frequent these kinds of establishments, but I never really had the courage to try it out until tonight. Nursing a broken heart can indeed make a person do crazy things. I just want to forget, even for just a moment.
The steam area was dark and warm. I can see silhouettes of intertwined bodies in every corner. I can hear soft moans of pain and pleasure from all angles. There was a certain aroma that drove me crazy. I hesitated for a second. I am not this person. I don't do stupid things like hook up with strange people in strange places. I am a respectable family man, a father of three, a husband. I shouldn't give up on my marriage just because I caught my wife flirting with her boss.
I turned back and I bumped into him. A tall man with a full beard and a ridiculous body. I nearly slipped but he caught me in his arms. I felt his naked body on mine. His curious eyes gazed into mine. His heavy breathing silenced the entire room. No words were exchanged. He just leaned over. And kissed me.
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What's a Beard and Why Do Some Gay Guys Have Them?
by Discreet Serpent
You may have heard the term "beard" used in a gay context and wondered what the hell that meant. "Art and Therese went out on a date last night, but we all know she's just a beard." No, it doesn't pertain to facial hair this time, although the term can be interpreted as some sort of a disguise. Just like how beards are used as a way to change an actor's physical appearance in the movies.
The Urban Dictionary defines the word "beard" as follows"
- Any opposite sex escort taken to an event in an effort to give a homosexaul person the apperance of being out on a date with a person of the opposite sex.
- A man or woman used as a cover for a gay partner.
The negative connotation
Most of the time, the girl used as a beard does not know that she is a beard. As the term implies, the goal of using a beard is to deceive people; to make people think that you are not who you are. A gay guy usually wears a beard as an accessory when he needs to be seen in a public place. "Straight" guys, after all, need to be seen with a hot lady date when going out on dinner or going to the movies. It wouldn't be appropriate to be seen with another guy, right?
The accomplice beard
In some cases, the beard is a willing victim. She could be the girl best friend who wants to help out her desperate friend. She could be the desperate fag hag who would take every opportunity to "turn" her gay guy straight. Or she could be someone who also needs a beard of her own. In these cases, using a beard is not so bad. At least not for the parties directly involved.
Why do gay guys need beards?
A beard is usually required when a discreet gay guy wants to remain in the closet. At a certain point in time, being "single" raises a lot of questions especially from friends and family members. A guy who hasn't had a girlfriend and is not even seen dating a girl raises a lot of red flags. It can get uncomfortable when relatives start asking "so when are you getting married?" in a family gathering. It's just so much easier to prevent these questions from being asked and just give them a good show.
Family and religious situations can also force a gay guy to use a female friend as a shield of sorts. A lot of gay guys are scared that their traditional families are unable to accept them if they revealed their true sexual preference. This is particularly common in military families and influential families. They could stand to be disinherited if they don't adhere to certain "standards." Certain religious organizations, on the other hand, are openly discriminating against homosexuality. This forces their gay membership to go into hiding.
Do beards actually work?
A disguise only works if the person using it knows how to wear it. You can't pretend to be a skinny bikini clad girl if you are a 200 lb guy, for instance. Oftentimes, the (obviously) gay guy wearing a beard is made the subject of ridicule. People talk about him behind his back. Who, after all, is he fooling? The lady friend, on the other hand, becomes the receiving end of a pity party. The poor girl has no idea that her "boyfriend" is just using her.
Will this "fashion trend" end soon?
I think that this beard fad will continue for as long as there is a need for gay people to hide their true identities. If discrimination persists, people will be forced to go into hiding.
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You may have heard the term "beard" used in a gay context and wondered what the hell that meant. "Art and Therese went out on a date last night, but we all know she's just a beard." No, it doesn't pertain to facial hair this time, although the term can be interpreted as some sort of a disguise. Just like how beards are used as a way to change an actor's physical appearance in the movies.
 |
| image courtesy of ultimatehypnosisdownloads.com |
The Urban Dictionary defines the word "beard" as follows"
- Any opposite sex escort taken to an event in an effort to give a homosexaul person the apperance of being out on a date with a person of the opposite sex.
- A man or woman used as a cover for a gay partner.
The negative connotation
Most of the time, the girl used as a beard does not know that she is a beard. As the term implies, the goal of using a beard is to deceive people; to make people think that you are not who you are. A gay guy usually wears a beard as an accessory when he needs to be seen in a public place. "Straight" guys, after all, need to be seen with a hot lady date when going out on dinner or going to the movies. It wouldn't be appropriate to be seen with another guy, right?
The accomplice beard
In some cases, the beard is a willing victim. She could be the girl best friend who wants to help out her desperate friend. She could be the desperate fag hag who would take every opportunity to "turn" her gay guy straight. Or she could be someone who also needs a beard of her own. In these cases, using a beard is not so bad. At least not for the parties directly involved.
Why do gay guys need beards?
A beard is usually required when a discreet gay guy wants to remain in the closet. At a certain point in time, being "single" raises a lot of questions especially from friends and family members. A guy who hasn't had a girlfriend and is not even seen dating a girl raises a lot of red flags. It can get uncomfortable when relatives start asking "so when are you getting married?" in a family gathering. It's just so much easier to prevent these questions from being asked and just give them a good show.
Family and religious situations can also force a gay guy to use a female friend as a shield of sorts. A lot of gay guys are scared that their traditional families are unable to accept them if they revealed their true sexual preference. This is particularly common in military families and influential families. They could stand to be disinherited if they don't adhere to certain "standards." Certain religious organizations, on the other hand, are openly discriminating against homosexuality. This forces their gay membership to go into hiding.
 |
| image courtesy of someecards.com |
Do beards actually work?
A disguise only works if the person using it knows how to wear it. You can't pretend to be a skinny bikini clad girl if you are a 200 lb guy, for instance. Oftentimes, the (obviously) gay guy wearing a beard is made the subject of ridicule. People talk about him behind his back. Who, after all, is he fooling? The lady friend, on the other hand, becomes the receiving end of a pity party. The poor girl has no idea that her "boyfriend" is just using her.
Will this "fashion trend" end soon?
I think that this beard fad will continue for as long as there is a need for gay people to hide their true identities. If discrimination persists, people will be forced to go into hiding.
RELATED POSTS
How to spot if your "straight" BOYFRIEND is gay
Do you remember when you first came out of the closet?
My Girl Best Friend Thought I Loved Her
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