Originally Posted on August 7, 2014
Earlier today, I sent this question
out via different social media channels:
“Hi
guys! Do you believe that gay guys are capable of monogamy, or are we built to
have multiple partners? Is cheating part of what makes us who we are? Have you
ever cheated/been cheated on?”
I was pleasantly surprised with the
overwhelming response I got, specifically from the gay chat app that’s normally
used for hooking up. Different people, different opinions, all valid and within
reason. Who says that chat rooms are now bereft of people who make sense?
If you are interested to find out
what these boys think, read on…
On
Being Faithful
“Yes, we can be faithful just like
heterosexual couples… thinking that we are different and having too much
freedom (no marriage) are some of the reasons why our behavior (with being in a
relationship) is different from the norm. I think being polygamous is a norm
with the male species, but it still boils down to how much they (gay couples) love
each other and how they value their friendship…”
***Tripping***
“Men can be faithful. All it takes is
discipline. Doing things that should be done even if you don’t feel like doing
them. If the right person comes along, you will be ready to be “selfless.” At
that point, being faithful wont be as difficult.
***Barurotmoko***
“We are capable of monogamy.”
***BigBadWolf***
“Yes I do believe in monogamy. But
yeah, monogamy is difficult.”
***Tytos***
On
Polygamy
“People of all gender/preference are
capable of cheating.”
***1000 Rejectedme***
“I think there’s no difference with
heterosexual relationships. Some guys are capable of committing to one partner,
while some are not contented. They are looking for other partners simply
because of the urge.”
***Paul Dominique***
“Men in general are polygamous.”
***Anonymous***
“By nature they say men are
polygamous. So imagine, two polygamous men combined in this context. With two
gay guys, who are men, polygamy would be an impossibility.
***Nice & Decent***
“Yes! Not just capable, but most of
the time gay guys are used to having multiple partners. Perfect example: the
number one source of HIV in the country are bisexuals. We can only count
couples who can share their love forever. This is also why most gay/bi guys are
single til they reach 60.
***Chok***
“Yes, im cheating. I guess I just
want to experience other partners. I am not satisfied with what I get from my
partner sometimes.”
***Lander***
“I believe that men, not just gays,
are by nature polygamous. This is why Islam allows men to enter multiple
marriages. This is also why shows like The Legal Wife and My Husband’s Lover
are accepted in our society. Men are likely to become unfaithful.”
***Barurotmoko***
“A gay guy is still a man. Man is by
nature polygamous”.
***Jieben***
On
Social Influences
“If a person repeatedly cheats in
every relationship, then he might have his own issues. It may be the way the
person was brought up, his socio-economic status, or certain identity issues. Values and educational backgrounds
are some factors that contribute to this behavior.”
***Yok***
“Is cheating part of what makes us
who we are? Why do we cheat in the first place? I believe there are social
factors involved. Discreet gay guys, in particular, have all the freedom to
sleep around. Nobody would notice because we are “discreet.” There are no
social pressures because we don’t get pregnant, and nobody can judge us if we
remain discreet. Nobody will suspect that we are cheating just because we are
seen with another guy, and nobody will tell us to stop cheating.”
***Nice &
Decent***
image courtesy of blogs.telegraph.co.uk
On
Discipline and Maturity
“Are we capable of monogamy? Sure,
but age and maturity are important factors. Based on my experience, I laid low
when I was 28 (I am now 30). Nowadays, I value time and companionship, good and
meaningful conversation over sex.”
***Nice & Decent***
“Of course, I do believe that we are
capable of monogamy. I can say this despite having been cheated on , and
despite me having cheated as well. I cannot talk for the person who cheated on
me, but I can speak for myself. Ultimately, it was a conscious choice that I
made, giving in to lust and carnal desires. That was just it. The key to
monogamy is to always choose the higher road, and to communicate openly with
your partner about what you really want.”
***Anonymous***
There
is hope yet
“Historically and biblically ,
polygamy is man’s nature. Only a loving, selfless and God-fearing man can
counter his nature. I still believe that there are guys (gay and straight
alike) who are capable of true love.”
***Barurotmoko***
“I believe that every gay man is
capable of monogamy. As long as there is discipline, definitely it will work.
Temptation is always there. But if we know how to stay out of it, it would do
wonders. I’ve been in a serious relationship. I never cheat. We have never
cheated with each other so I know all of us can do that.”
***Jed***
“I believe in monogamous
relationships. Yes, I’ve been cheated on and I also cheated in my previous
relationship. And it really sucks. Maybe it can be regarded as a phase, a part
of growing up. To know ourselves better.”
***Yok***
image courtesy of vi.sualize.us
My
Takeaways
I am very thankful for all these guys
(and the rest who didn’t make the cut) for sharing their opinions on the topic.
I would like to state that each and everyone of us are entitled to our own
opinions, and we are certainly free to live our lives the way we want to.
I have nothing against people who
cheat. In our society, cheating has turned out to be a norm of sorts. As
long as you don’t get caught, you’re fine (or so they say).
Having said that, I do believe that
monogamy is still possible even in a culture such as ours. It is a tad more
challenging compared to our heterosexual counterparts, I must agree, but it is
still something attainable. I refuse to let everyone believe otherwise.
Thinking that monogamy is not possible is the first step to losing the battle.
Possibilities are only limited by our imagination. If we think something is not
doable, we are doomed to failure.
I have seen gay couples who practice
monogamy (not a lot, I must add. But they’re out there). I have also talked to
a lot of gay guys who want to be in committed, monogamous relationships. It may
sound idealistic to some, but these people believe that they deserve nothing
less than a real loving relationship. Hopefully, these people end up with each
other so they are spared the pain and heartache.
Being in a monogamous relationship is
a decision. Or at least, it begins with a decision. A commitment to stay true
and firm, and to honor the love of your partner. It shouldn’t matter if you
were raised otherwise or if you are surrounded by people who don’t value these
things. What matters is how you decide to live. Make a choice, and be prepared
to live with your choice. Whatever makes you happy.
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