I had a really interesting chat with a 14 year old kid yesterday. Interesting not only because he is a minor and should't be in chat sites like Hornet or Scruff, but also because it made me reflect on my own acts when I was his age.
How it started
I made my usual round of Grindr surveys that morning (where everyone should be, you know, over 18), and the question was about sex videos. This guy, palletesurface, responds by saying that he would like to have sex daily, but would do away with having it recorded. He then went on by complimenting me on my blog, telling me he wanted to contribute to it somehow. That's when he dropped the bomb: "Just in case you are wondering, you are speaking with a 14 year old guy."
The lecture
I of course went straight to parental mode. I called him out for being in Grindr, and told him that he really shouldn't be using the app. First, there's the issue about this age. Also, I warned him that older guys might just take advantage of his youth and he could end up in a bad spot. Finally, I warned him that other guys could get in trouble because he is a minor, and it's against the law to "corrupt" him. He replied by saying that he knows what he is doing, and that his interaction with people is only limited to chatting.
My curiosity
Once it was established that no lines will be crossed (the kid did try to flirt with me several times, but my moral compass is not THAT broken), my curiosity took over and I asked him if he could be the subject of my next article. I wanted to understand why minors would want to risk their privacy and security by using mature chat sites. I was also interested to know how gay adults behave when they know they are dealing with minors.
Who is palletesurface?
"I'm 14 years old now, and I have a lot to say in my age but the ability to do so is impossible. My dad is in the medical field and my mom works abroad. My mom took care of other people while I was growing up, so I discovered life mostly by myself. My father is a great guy but not as passionate for life as my mother and I am. I want to try things and have friends and a serious discreet relationship that will make me feel right. Someone whom I can relate with. And that's why I'm on Grindr."
How did you learn about Grindr?
"I stumbled upon it over news and the internet. I tried it out because I was curious and I wanted to escape my world. I thought that it would really feel awesome and different if I talk to a complete stranger, never knowing what's going to happen next. You can stop when you don't feel like it."
How long have you been using the site?
"I have been using the site since June (a little over a month ago). My iPhone got busted and had to be repaired, so I use my dad's tablet when he's at work. I have to download and delete the app on a daily basis so he won't know what I'm doing."
Have you actually met guys from this site?
"Never in person. I just chat, at least for now. I'm too young, too discreet and too awkward to be meeting people. I don't think I have ever chatted with kids from my same age group here; most are over 18."
Anyone interesting?
"Aside from you? One time I was chatting with a 19 year old guy and I got instantly attracted to him because he seems to understand me. He's nice, average looking, and interesting to talk to. We talk about grown up things, and he knows my real age. I also ask him about private questions. He also talks about the sexual adventure of guys from his campus. He's a cool guy and we became online friends."
How do adults treat you on this site?
Most of them are concerned about my age. I think they are worried that they could get into trouble with the law or something. They don't want to go to prison. That's one of the reasons why I don't think anyone will actually consider meeting up with someone as young as me. Some of them joke around, and ask me if they could be my first. #tempting."
So would you say that at this point, you have no plans of meeting up with guys you meet online?
"I don't know. At this age, anything can happen. Haha. I won't get anyone into trouble, I promise. I have a heart and I won't report them to the cops. I won't say a thing because I'm discreet and I don't want people to know about my sexuality."
I must say this one more time: You shouldn't be on this site flirting with strangers
"You guys forget how it is to be teenagers. How it's like to have raging hormones all the time. How we get curious and how we don't get the information we need from people we should be hearing them from."
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| image courtesy of oramaideasonline.wordpress.com |
Pallettesurface seems to be an intelligent kid with a mature outlook on life. More mature than I was at his age, I would say. This doesn't mean that I should look away from the real issue here: kids who become vulnerable to online threats.
Part of me is thankful that most of his online "friends" handle him with the respect that every child deserves. I'm glad people know that corrupting a minor is illegal, and that they could get in serious trouble if they cross the line. I hope he doesn't end up meeting some creepy old guy who preys on unsuspecting and defenseless minors. I don't want this kid to experience love and heartache from someone who frequents chat sites looking for hookups. I hope that this kid keeps a good head over his shoulders and not succumb to the temptation and excitement of the anonymous encounter. I hope he enjoys his childhood first and worry about relationships and sexual activities later on in life.
In the same breath, I do understand that he is at an awkward stage and that he is starting to develop some physical needs. I remember being a teenager once, and it was a difficult phase if only for the fact that information was not readily available. I had to learn from my peers and from "not so credible" sources. I'm pretty sure I did a couple of things that "I wasn't supposed to do." These things are, after all, part of growing up.
Finally, the issue of parental control. Online activity needs to be moderated by parents because illicit material is very accessible nowadays. It is our responsibility as adults to ensure that our children are not exposed to unnecessary information, and that they are kept away from unforeseen dangers. There are a lot of applications for laptops and mobile devices that can be downloaded for free. It is better to be safe than sorry.
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