I fell in love with my college
(straight) best friend. Hard. I did everything to make him happy because that
in turn made me happy. We were inseparable, and at some point I felt the
feelings reciprocated. We never officially entered into a romantic relationship,
but we did consummate our bond. Numerous times. We didn’t end up together (he
is now happily married, and still a good friend), but I always wondered if a
gay person like me could ever have a platonic “best” friendship with a straight
guy.
So here’s the question I sent out to
social media today: Is it possible for a
gay guy to have a straight guy best friend? Is it strictly a friendly
relationship or is it inevitable that one will fall in love with the other?
Have you ever been in this situation?
Yes,
straight guys and gay guys can be the best of friends
“Yes.
It’s no different from a guy having a girl best friend (and vice versa).”
***Anonymous***
“Hi!
I think it’s possible and from what I learned in my class, philosophy of a person, true friendship doesn’t level
off or in other words, differences such as sexual orientation, social class,
and believe should not be factors.”
***Taft
111***
“It
is possible. I have had that setup and I didn’t fall for my straight best
friend. You just have to know your limitations because it is doubtful that the
straight guy will ever fall for you. The gay guy in the setup will almost
always be the one to fall victim. In my case, I know what he is (straight) and
I definitely know who I am. We’ve shared a bed for sleeping many times and it’s
just normal for us.”
***Alchemist***
“I
think it is possible. The same way you are never attracted to all your gay
straight acting friends even if they are not attached.”
***Anonymous***
“It
is possible, as long as there is open communication between the parties.”
***@jayceesachet***
“A
straight guy could have a gay best friend and vice versa.”
***romanus***
“It
is always possible. There’s a thin line that is drawn to separate love and best
of friendship. In that setting, the gay man is more likely to fall I love
rather than the straight guy. Or the friendship can be as neutral as it is in
knowing each other very well without looking at the sexual preferences of each
other. Respect is the strongest line that will make such friendship possible.”
***Adam’s
Apple”
“Yes
it is possible. Just keep your libido in check and never blur the lines.”
***@akosiaxle***
It
boils down to circumstances
“Gender
should not be an issue with friendship. So, yes it is possible for a gay guy to
have a straight guy best friend. They just have to properly set each other’s
expectations and minds. They always have to be on guard with their feelings so
as not for them to fall in love with the other. But there’s always a chance to
fall in love with the other. This happens even with heterosexual
relationships.”
***Rock
my world!***
“Possible.
But if you friend is good looking and hot, you will probably fall in love with
him.”
***Anonymous***
“I
think it is possible but it really depends on the attitude of both parties.
Most straight dudes are extremely homophobic and most gay guys get easily
horny.”
***Miko Chato, @mikochato ***
“Yes
that’s possible. However, it depends on how they will handle their situation.
Too much care will lead one (or both) to fall in love.”
***Lance***
I
have no idea!
“Sorry,
I never had that experience so I can’t help you. Have a good day!”
***RickOng***
One
person ends up falling for the other
“For
me it depends on the straight guy on how he is going to accept his gay best
friend, and if the gay guy sets limitations. I don’t usually have relationships
with my close friends; strictly friends, indeed. Even if I sometimes fall for
them.”
***Benz,
Davao City***
“When
I told my guy best friend that I was bi and that I was on the verge of having
(romantic) feelings for him, he just said two things: (1) I can still be your
best friend no matter what, and (2) I can not be more that a best friend to
you. To simplify it, if you really want your friendship to last, do not ask for
more than what is due.”
***@decarabao***
“Yes,
actually I have a close straight guy friend for three years. When my other
friend told me that this guy had feelings for me, I was alarmed. I talked to
him and he said he was attracted to my personality. He was caring, and was
willing to break up with his girlfriend just to have me. We did not end up
together; that was my choice. Now, he already has a wife and a family of his
own. And I am happy for him.”
***Friend
Mo, Davao City***
“It
depends on the two guys involved. It’s totally possible for two guys to remain
platonic. This happens when they really have a long history of being friends.
It’s usually harder on the gay guy as sometimes the straight guy is his type.
But if not, then I’m sure it’ll remain platonic. If the straight guy is his
type, however, that’ll be the time when they can’t remain friends as the gay
guy will start falling and expect to get more from the straight guy.”
***Archer113***
Back
to me
First and foremost, I have to qualify
that my concern deals with the one person who is dearest to you and whom you
would take a bullet for – your best friend. I know that platonic friendship
with a straight guy is a no-brainer. I see it around all the time. But what
makes it tricky with best friends is the fact that we love them with all our
heart, and they are at the top of the line. And sometimes, especially with
libido involved, this love can be muddled with lust (among other things). And
that’s when things start to get complicated.
In my opinion, such a relationship
could exist. But is it built to remain platonic, or is it doomed to fail?
Friendship is founded on love, respect
and trust. Two people, regardless of age, sex or nationality, could potentially
end up as best friends if they found the right combination of personality and
interests. As such, a straight guy and a gay guy could be best friends if they
share the same passions and have a mutual regard for each other.
Such a closeness, however, could lead
to desire. In one or both parties. Most of the time, it remains hidden in the
guise of friendship. It takes a lot of love to realize that the friendship
would be lost if romance is involved, and for the person in love to put his
feelings aside for the sake of friendship. In some cases, the love is
reciprocated and everybody lives happily ever after. In others, one person
confesses and ends up alienating his best friend. Either way, the friendship
mutates into something else.
Those who are able to distinguish
between romance and friendship are the lucky ones. They have the discipline to
compartamentalize emotions and leave things as they are. It also helps if you
are not physically attracted to your best friend – that would save you a lot of
grief. Communication is also an important factor here, as it minimizes
confusion and prevents wrong signals.
So in summary, I am inclined to
believe that such relationships are complicated. But what relationship isn’t
complicated?
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