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Saturday, August 16, 2014

Can You Find Lifelong Friends or Long Term Partners in Gay Chat Apps?

by Discreet Serpent


I love chatting with people, strangers or otherwise. Anonymity aside, it allows me to connect with people from different walks of life and gain insight from their experiences. Lately, I’ve been using the chat sites to gather information about certain topics that I want to write about. I do get a lot of substantial responses, but also some interesting propositions from guys who are obviously in it for sexual gratification.



I’m pretty sure that I (with my scholarly pursuits) am an exception to the general rule. But this made me wonder: Is it possible to find lifelong friends or long term relationships in gay chat sites like Grindr or Hornet, or are these apps purely for hooking up?




You can definitely find your soul mate here

“It’s absolutely possible. The guys here are not necessarily doomed. You just have to find the right person at the right place and at the right time.”
***Born to Beat***

“It’s possible but very rare. As in VERY rare haha. Maybe 15% of 100? Based on experience…”
***@Joshtannnnn***

“Possible.”
***Altitude, 31***

"I think so. As the saying goes, love is just in a corner. Gay websites may be a place for hook ups but I believe there are still people who look for love. Real love for serious relationships. Just like me."
***Mark***


You have to defy the odds, but you just may find it

“It’s possible as I found both my long terms relationships on sites like Grindr. But based on our experience, you have to weed through thick vegetation to find it. “
***MPowered***

“You can still find lifelong friendships and relationships but it will be hard. Needs a lot of patience. But most of the gay guys using these apps are mainly looking for hookups.”
***RR, 27***

“It doesn’t matter where you meet the guy… be it via an app or the street or a chat room…If you find him, you find him. Technology just made it easy to meet people. But with or without technology, it’s difficult to find the right man for a lot of reasons.”
***bud, 37***

“Grindr was made as a gaydar to locate nearby geighs. It is mainly for hookups. But I do believe in miracles…”
***@karakochaka***


You can find someone, but they might not last long

“Yes, it’s possible. I met two of my latest exes from Grindr. But I wouldn’t call it long term. Ex number 3 from Batangas was almost one year, and ex number 4 from Quezon City had issues with me being online on the app. I was open to having other guys on the side but my partner wasn’t because he was older and a bit serious. His best friend caught me using the app with “open relationship” as a status without his consent. Thus we broke up after 4 months.
***#SwagLove, 27***

“Yes, but not for me. Lol!”
***Sailormoon, 26***


It’s a character issue, not a technology issue

“It depends on the personality of the person you are chatting with but in my opinion, it’s very rare especially in our case as homosexuals.”
***Engt.M, 20***

“It depends on who you ask and what it is that they are looking for when they joined. I don’t really have personal experience yet as I consider myself a Grindr Virgin (I only created my account recently), but as for me, when I joined, I just wanted to see what it’s like in here and I hope to meet new friends along the way.”
***Chubby Whale, 29***

“For me I think it depends on your intention and how you project yourself.”
***naughty***


No way, you’re better off at the mall

“No, it isn’t. I found a partner in Planet Romeo but our relationship didn’t last. I left him. All we did was have sex and I didn’t feel that I was important to him in other aspects.”
***Versace, 23***

“60-70 percent of the population using this app have it for hookup purposes. The rest of the population uses it hoping to find long term relationships/friendships, but even this population sometimes find themselves in a situation which turns out to be just a hookup.”
***SmileyFace, 30***

“For hook up. Coz you can really find hot, stud and horny guys here in Grindr. Safe sex is always a must.”
***Jagger***

“No. Meeting feeling here is superficial. Only for hook ups. No serious romantic relationships. But I must say that based on experience, most people I’ve met here initially would go for sex. The following meetings would be more open and contain honest conversations. Eventually, we turned out as friends/acquaintances. People who get into relationships here will eventually feel that their partners could be playing behind their backs (maybe through this app or other means).
***Anonymous***

“What counts as long term for you? 1 year? Well the people you’d talk to who say they were in a 1-year relationship would have broken up with their partners already coz they’re looking again in Grindr.”
***Jerod***




So what now?

From the looks of it, most of the guys using chat apps are pessimistic about finding true love thru that channel. This probably stems from the fact that they know their intentions coming into these apps, and would not want to date people who are similarly inclined. It would be very stressful, after all, to think about the possibility of your partner hooking up via Grindr or Hornet behind your back. That would be enough to break a budding relationship apart.

There are, however, optimists who think that true love can still be found in the midst of temptation. Just find the right person at the right time, they say. People change and can stop looking once they find their soul mate, they claim.

I used to be a chronic chatter, for all the wrong (or right?) reasons too. Without trying to sound like a slut, I pretty much slept with most of the people I met up with. (That was when I was single, of course. But that’s not the point of this entry). But I also met one of my best friends in a chat room. We were super wholesome (it bored me at the start, but I got over it) and talked mostly about comic books, work, and staying in the closet. We have been friends for a long time, and that’s why I think there are still “quality” people out there. Just waiting to be discovered.

My thoughts on the issue? I do believe that you can find friendships and relationships in the weirdest of places. You just got to have an open mind about it.


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