7 Signs of Abuse in a Relationship

From Guest Writer "Casey"

There are probably moments in your relationship when you think you are ready to quit. In retrospect, you thought you were the luckiest person in the world when you and your partner met. You thought the universe has conspired to bring you to the perfect person. Eventually, however, you realized you were wrong. The bliss you once knew is now replaced with conflicting emotions. Both of your worlds have suddenly made a 180-degree turn for the worse. You have been physically, emotionally, financially and sexually abused. And despite that you still fail to identify the red flags that show you are in an abusive relationship.

image courtesy of bobverini.com

#1 Your partner is controlling every aspect of your life and you let it stay that way for too long.

He controls your every move. He has this habit of being bossy and that you are there to do every bidding. Furthermore, he believes that he should know everything that is going on with your life. He frequently interrogates you about where you were, whom you have been calling or texting and whom you are with. It even goes to the extent of checking your phone regularly. What you need is to set clear boundaries for them. Don’t be their puppet. This is a sign of abuse because he doesn’t allow you to be your own person. You don’t get to have the freedom and autonomy to do what you need to do; it always has to be done his way.

#2 Your partner blames you for his blunders and you are always there ready to absorb all his faults.

He plays the blame game so well even though he is obviously the one at fault. He is too proud to admit his mistakes. He redirects all errors to you and makes you feel guilty about it especially when it comes to being violent. You tolerate receiving all the blame and never budging to take a stand and because of that your partner is able to pass the responsibility and accountability of his faults so easily. This is sign of abuse because couples ought to take responsibility of their own faults and not direct the blame to only one of the couple.

image courtesy of www.doctornerdlove.com

#3 Your partner abuses you verbally and you take it like it is normal.

He talks to you with harsh words when he wants to get his message across and it doesn’t matter when or where. It seems that doing such an act increases his self-esteem because he has someone to put down and degrade. Your partner calls you derogatory names, curses you and humiliates you privately or publicly. At first, you get hurt from all the euphemisms but as time passes you take it like it is normal. You have hardened your heart to whatever banter your partner can throw at you. This is a sign of abuse because that mutual respect that is expected of each relationship has obviously faded.

#4 Your partner isolates you from any support person and you feel powerless to change the situation.

Your partner tries to cut off ties from your friends or family. He gradually deprives you from calling them or visiting them on your free time until finally you drift away. He prevents you from getting a job and seeing other people. He also has unsubstantiated accusations that you are cheating and flirting with someone else. Severing your ties with people gives him greater control over you because now you have no other support person you can hold on to. This is a sign of abuse because the isolation makes you vulnerable and easy to manipulate.

image courtesy of crisispoint.org.uk

#5 Your partner tends to get physical on fights and forces sex and you end up unable to fight back and resist.

Physical and abuse is probably one of the most common traits of abuse in a relationship. This can be attributed to him feeling powerful and dominant over you that he literally becomes physical. Grabbing, hitting and pushing are just some ways by which he inflicts injury. Also your partner forces you to have sex and do things you don’t want to do. This is a sign of abuse because forcing one’s dominance over another person is just not right.

#6 Your partner loosely resort to threats and it is more than enough to tame you.

He utters threats like it’s normal. Your partner does this so that you will fear him and you won’t attempt to do things that he doesn’t like. He may yell and threaten to harm you or any of your family or friends. He may say statements like, “I will kill you,” but then take it back when he has finally defused his temper. When he charms you back you easily give in to his strategies of winning you back. This is a sign of abuse because this is instilling terror and no one deserves to be in a relationship that breeds fear.

image courtesy of www.advocate.com

#7 Your partner is easily ticked off and have mood swings almost every day and you still live with it.

He easily gets angry and irritable but it may wax and wane. You become the easy target if he wants to draw that anger out after that he starts charming you back and the cycle repeats itself. You know you need to stop to all of this but you still put up with it. This is a sign of abuse because a relationship should promote emotional growth not emotional turmoil.


By now, you may feel confused and helpless but do not worry this is usually expected of someone who has experienced abuse. Do not sulk but rather let this article be an eye opener for you to take action. Don’t settle for what you have at present. Leaving a relationship is never easy but if staying means that you are sacrificing your safety then fleeing now is probably the best option. You are a person who gives love and needs love you should know that you deserve better.



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Love Has No Labels

Even as a kid, I have always believed that love has no labels. I have recently been asked this series of questions: Have you ever had girlfriends? Did you have sex with them? Did you just use them and not truly love them? Does that make you a lying jerk?

My response: I have, in fact, been in several heterosexual relationships in the past. And yes, I have been intimate with some of them. Does that make me straight? Not really. I think that deep down I have always known my sexual preference. Does that make me a liar? I'm not sure. What I do know is that I remember having strong feelings for all of them. And I have never forced myself into doing stuff with them. I have always said that I love the person and not the gender. That does not make sense to a lot of my friends, but it sure hell makes sense to me.

So I guess that's the reason why this video hit a homerun for me. It involves a simple stunt, really. Some guys put a giant x-ray screen in a crowded area and featured some dancing skeletons. These figures hugged, kissed and showed everyone what love is all about. They then step out and show everyone that love is universal, and that it has no race, religion, disability and gender.



Good stuff!



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Gay Kid Comes Out; Dad Pours Boiling Water On Him

by Discreet Serpent

This headline caught my attention today:

Father poured boiling water over his gay son for coming out as gay.

What made my jaw drop:

1. These Lebanese men were trying to force a 15 year old gay kid into a straight marriage.

2. The kid's dad beat him and poured boiling water on him. One of the uncles doused him in petrol and threatened to set him on fire.

3. The perpetrators were fined 1,350 Euros each.

4. These all happened after the kid came out as gay.

Image courtesy of The Economist

This is very disturbing on so many levels. First, I'm not sure about Lebanese laws against homosexuality but I believe I read an article somewhere stating that the country treats homosexuals better compared to some of their neighboring countries. In any case, it is still a bit extreme for family members to deal with a gay kid with violence and threat to life.

Nobody deserves to be at the receiving end of boiling water and death threats. Let me rephrase that. Maybe criminals of the highest order deserve that kind of treatment (maybe), but certainly not a young kid who just wants to be true to himself. Violence does not solve anything, most certainly not the "problem" of homosexuality (in other words, you can't turn a gay guy straight by washing him off with boiling water).

Then there's the issue about forced marriage. As if getting a gay guy into bed with a woman would somehow magically turn him straight. In reality, an arranged marriage like this would most likely end up in disaster. The gay husband is likely to end up cheating on his poor wife. Things will get worse if they somehow manage to produce offspring.

What irks me the most is how miniscule the penalty is. 1,350 Euros. Is this how little a gay kid's life is valued? I wonder how much the "penalty" would have been if it was the kid who doused these criminals with boiling water?


YOU SHOULD ALSO READ:

Does bisexuality exist or is it a stepping stone to “full gayhood?” 

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Do your parents know that you’re gay? 

5 Ways to Curb Your Cravings

A sumptuous meal made up of all your favorite dishes sounds good after an intense workout. Your body is tired from exercise and craves for sustenance. Your kitchen is just a few steps away. Unfortunately, you're on a diet and you need to meet your fitness goals. Here are six tips that will help curb your cravings and help control your appetite.

image courtesy of www.dailyhiit.com

1. It's All in the Mind

Before you give in to your cravings, take a minute to think about how binge eating would impact your body. Ask yourself: “Will this cake satisfy me? Or should I take something nutritious and light instead?” Being impulsive will only ruin your fitness goals.

Distraction is a powerful tool to keep your mind off of food. As soon as you feel the urge to eat, do something else! Listen to music, read a book, watch your favorite TV series, write an article or take your dog for a walk. Trick your mind into being busy so you can avoid thoughts of food and sustenance.

2. Think About Disgusting Things

Another way to overcome your craving for food is to think of something that will make you lose your appetite. Watch a gory zombie movie or the latest Chainsaw Massacre flick. Go to your pantry and take a whiff out of the spice that makes you want to throw up. Look for unhealthy facts about the food that you are craving for (such as the fact that it takes up to four days for instant noodles to be digested) and watch your cravings disappear. Or you can simply imagine all the calories entering your body, bulking you up in all the wrong places.

image courtesy of www.eatingwell.com

3. Inspire Yourself

Who are your “fitspirations?” Is it Christiano Ronaldo or Allyson Felix? Inspiring and motivating yourself to stay fit can shake off your cravings away. Diverting your attention to your “fitspirations” can help you fight the urge to overeating. Leave constant reminders around you: a photo posted on your fridge, a motivational message on your work desk, or an awesome wallpaper on your smartphone. Let that great looking body inspire you to eat healthy and work out more!

4. Manage Stress

Stress causes you to crave food. When you are stressed, hormones that cause you to look for “rewards” are released by the body. These will trick you into thinking that succumbing to your cravings will give you comfort. Don't let stress dominate you. Get enough rest, take stress relievers, cuddle with your partner or go to the nearest spa. There are many ways to relieve stress without giving in to your sinful cravings.

image courtesy of chughtailab.com

5. Hydrate

Drinking enough water can help get rid of your food craving. Dehydration can be mistaken by your body as hunger and it results to a desire to eat more. Drinking water makes you think that you are full and provides temporary satisfaction to your hunger pangs. Hydrating will keep you from eating more than you should and will keep you satisfied until the next meal.

Never let your cravings control you; instead, you should control your cravings.

The Miss Universe Fiasco

My Facebook and Twitter feeds have been (not shockingly) bombarded by Miss Universe related posts the past couple of days, and quite frankly they are starting to get really irritating. Here are some of the things that fans and critics have been circulating as gospel truth:

1. The Colombia Conspiracy Theory
As it turns out, the person behind the Philippine beauty pageant industry came from Colombia (Stella Marquez Araneta). She has insisted on using the designs of fellow Colombian Alfredo Barraza, citing on national television that the submissions of local designers were "no good." Barraza is said to also have designed the gown worn by this year's winner (Ms. Colombia). As a "logical conclusion," Ms. Philippines (MJ Lastimosa) lost because the Colombian forces rallied to sabotage her chances of winning.

2. The Last Minute Distraction
Rumor has it that right before the evening gown competition, MJ decided to wear a pink gown made by a Philippine designer. Araneta wouldn't hear it and demanded that MJ wear the white mermaid gown designed by Barraza. She allegedly went on a fit and started shouting at "poor MJ." As a result, MJ had a terrible performance at the gown competition which in turned caused her defeat.

3. #MJAllTheWay
This hashtag has trended well on Twitter, and it obviously shows huge support for the Philippine candidate. Some people jokingly said that the judges "got confused" by the hashtag and thought that "MJ" meant "Miss Jamaica." That somehow had something to do with the turnout. Go figure.

4. Miss Jamaica is actually Miss Philippines
Speaking of Miss Jamaica, the fan favorite got extra mileage when a certain columnist hinted on the possibility that she has Filipino roots. Responsible journalism at its best.

5. Blame it on Manny
The Philippines has successfully penetrated the top 5 since 2009, and weirdly enough we failed to make it the very year that a fellow Filipino (boxer Manny Pacquiao) was chosen to be a judge. Is he to blame?

The list goes on and on, but I guess you guys get the point. Since I already painstakingly took the time to write this article, let me go ahead and share my thoughts about the issues.

1. Renowned Filipino designer Michael Cinco posted a bunch of photos of gowns he thought would make MJ win the crown. Nice gowns, I have to say. Well designed. But I am pretty sure he was not one of the "no good" designers who submitted their gown designs before the competition. (I wonder what the process is? Do designers just go in and voluntarily submit designs, or does the team have a selection process?) His gowns are probably too expensive anyway. Hopefully, he backs up his words (or in this case, images) by donating a free gown to next year's candidate.

2. Truth be told, MJ had no business insisting on wearing a certain gown at the last minute. If this were true, then I would think that she should be held responsible if she became emotional or "upset" on stage. If she felt passionately about wearing a certain design, she should have discussed this with her team way ahead of time. If I were Ms Araneta, I would probably also scream at MJ for being unprofessional. I mean, come on! Stick with the program, girl! And besides, if she got to wear the pink gown and still lost, I'm pretty sure that the blame will simply be shifted to her ("You should have worn that stunning Colombian design!")

3. I'm pretty sure the #MJAllTheWay confusion is just a joke.

4. I honestly don't know if Miss Jamaica is part Filipina, but I think I read somewhere that she has already denied this on Instagram. Very interesting how this was brought up in the first place.

5. My only comment about Manny is that he should have rehearsed reading his question multiple times before reading it on air. Practice makes perfect.

As a final thought, I must say that I enjoyed watching this year's Miss Universe pageant. If only for the interesting Q and A rounds. The 2-part Q&A was a special treat for me.

New Year's Resolution

It's been over a month since my last post. My, how time goes by. People have been asking me if I lost interest in maintaining this blog, or if I have decided to move on with other things. Truth be told, I can't fault them for asking these questions. I am known, after all, to have a really short attention span. I quickly lose interest in things and move on to new experiences. Like a bumblebee looking for new sources of nectar.

And maybe I have. The past month has been spent reconnecting with friends and "partying." The holiday season has that effect in my country. Some days I even had up to three parties in one day (two of which I hosted myself). My Facebook page was filled with photos from the various restaurants and houses that I visited. I literally painted the town red. It's no wonder that I found little time to work on articles or even read stuff online.

Now, the "party days" are almost over. I say almost because I still have a couple of post-holiday parties lined up in the next few weeks. But I do have time now to touch base with the things that are important to me. Like blogging. And possibly earning a few bucks writing articles. I may even have time to jot down resolutions for the coming year.

Do I believe in New Year resolutions? Not exactly. I think these resolutions almost always end up unfulfilled. But they are not without benefits. I do think that they give us a good kick to start off the year right. And if only for that, I will go ahead and list down a few.

1. Keep a positive outlook. I tried the #100HappyDays challenge last year and it actually made me a better person. For 100 days I posted a photo of something that I was grateful for on any given day. Mine of course came with a commentary on what happened and what reflections I had. After 100 days I noticed that I had a fresher outlook of the world. This year, I plan to write down at least one thing that made me happy on my daily journal. The challenge would be for me to keep it within one or two sentences. (Now that's a challenge).

2. Be more organized. I do things as I please, making me one of the most disorganized persons in the universe. Things get done based on my mood, hence I found myself with a lot of unproductive hours last year. This year, I will make a check list of things that I want to accomplish in any given day. I plan to keep track of my productivity rate. I'm very competitive, so I think I should be able to get at least a 90% on any given day. We'll see.

3. Ooops. Time's up. Gotta move on to the other things on my list today.