While a gay guy's natural tendencies should direct him towards the general direction of a hot hunk, it is but natural for us to spend a whole lot of time with our girl friends. Somehow we find their company entertaining, relaxing, and stress-free. It could be because we are not trying to flirt with them or seduce them every other second.
For discreet guys like me, having female friends could lead to complications if not clearly addressed at the onset. Certain expectations need to be set, and things have to be crystal clear to both parties. There is no room for error in judgment because this could lead to lost friendship and broken trust. I personally had disastrous experiences on the matter. They turned out okay in the end, but that was after the really awkward moments (mostly for the girls).
Story time
A few years ago, my friendship with Nica started. We were office mates and we were both supervisors. We spent a lot of time together at work, during breaks, and even after work. I really thought nothing much about it, except that I was grateful to have a loving and caring friend. I depended on her for a lot of things. She was like my best friend then, really. One day, I decided to bring our friendship to the next level and decided to share my sexual orientation. I told her I wanted to have dinner with her after work, and that I had something very important to tell her. I was nervous and excited, and that really showed during that short conversation. In retrospect, that's probably how she got the wrong idea.
The best date ever
Nica, apparently, went straight to another close friend Chelle. She was so excited about the "dinner date" and was expecting a proposition of sorts. "This is it! I think he's finally gonna profess his love," she quipped.
Obviously, the "date" didn't go on as planned. I nervously told her about my "secret," and was a bit surprised about the weird reaction that I got. She was surprised, yes. She had questions, yes. But somehow, I couldn't shake the feeling that something else was wrong. I was hilariously clueless about what was really going on. The dinner date ended, and we were "normal" for the next couple of weeks.
The confrontation
After some time, our friend Chelle confronted me. She told me that the rest of the group had been teasing Nica because of what happened (at this point, the other members of the group already knew about me. But that's a story for another day). They called her a "fag hag" and teased her for her "poor judgment." Fortunately, Nica took it like a sport and just went with the flow. She was over the whole thing easy, and even started to tease me about what happened. It became a standing joke from then on (she now has a cute boyfriend who's not likely gay).
What's a Fag Hag?
Fag hag. What a term. It sounds discriminatory and derogatory, but apparently it is a widely used as a gay slang referring to a woman who either associates mostly or exclusively with gay and bisexual men, or has gay and bisexual men as close friends.
The Urban Dictionary states that you are a true fag hag if:
-You are a straight girl who has a best friend who is gay and you spend a lot of time together
-You would rather go to a gay club than a straight club
-Your fag gave you your own drag name
-You know all the gay guys at the local gay bar
-Your fag takes you shopping for mac makeup and then puts it on you
-Your hair and makeup are always flawless
-You dress up in his drag gear on saturday night or dress in drag together
-You even dance with all the fags on stage when Britney Spears comes on
-You learned to vouge from watching your fag
-You fall in love with your fag (which is a bad thing)
-You try to convert your fag (this will only ruin your relationship with him)
And lastly... you find yourself not being able to live without him because you have so much fun with him.
Lessons learned
This brings me to the lessons that I learned after all these. First, it is a good feeling to have somebody admire you and love you. However, it is not a good feeling when you have to reject them or hurt them.
Second, discreet guys have a big responsibility with regard to our actions. Our lady friends probably don't know we are gay, so they could be led on easily by our good looks and charms. We need to set clear limitations, and we may have to come clean with them at some point just to avoid further complications.
Lastly, some women (not my friend Nica, fortunately) would go to unreasonable lengths to try to convince you that you can be with them. Or they can spread rumors and half truths that would put your privacy in jeopardy. I guess you just have to prepare for this kinds of situations (again, a story for another day).
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