Bisexual guys are an enigma to most people, gay guys in particular. We only understand our own experiences, and cling to the notion that anything beyond what we know must be myth. We dismiss bisexuality as a "phase" or a "shield" that closeted gay guys use to protect their privacy. Truth be told, there is a lot of confusion about it even in the LGBT community. As such, a lot of gay relationships involving bisexual guys end up doomed.
What we should understand, however, is that these relationships mostly end up in failure because of pre-conceived notions that should be corrected. Here are some essential things that every gay guy needs to know before dating a bisexual guy:
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| image courtesy of scienceofrelationships.com |
A lot of gay guys used the term "bisexual" to define themselves when they started out experimenting with other guys. Being a bisexual was seen as "cool" and was an attractive "quality" that drew other men to hooking up with them. As time progresses, these "bisexuals" gradually come out and fully embrace their identity as gay guys. This kind of experience led many gay guys to believe that bisexuality is a "transition" or a "stepping stone" towards full homosexuality.
Bisexuality, however, does exist. This is a hard fact for some gay guys to swallow, but we can not rule out something just because it is contrary to our own personal experiences. Different people deal with their identity issues in different ways. Some guys like both guys and girls. Deal with it. Learn to accept it. And don't let this get in the way of your relationship.
2. Don't force him out of the closet
Bisexuals have a lot of issues to deal with personally, and they should be given enough space to deal with these issues on their own. Society seems to understand homosexuals a lot more than bisexuals, and this social stigma keeps a lot of bisexuals hidden in the closet. Forcing your bisexual partner to come out in any way will only jeopardize your relationship. Just accept him for who he is and leave him alone with his issues. He will ask for your help when he is ready.
3. Communication is key
You should not let your differences affect the way you talk to each other. As much as possible, try to learn about each other and how you are dealing with your sexual orientation. Express your feelings and be open about things that could affect your relationship. On the other hand, avoid going overboard and over-discussing things that are best left unsaid. It gets really old, for instance, if you keep on asking him to explain each and every time he looks at a girl. You don't want your entire relationship to be full of discussions about bisexuality and homosexuality. There are a lot of other things to talk about.
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| image courtesy of slate.com |
4. They are not (necessarily) promiscuous
Another popular misconception: bisexuals like men and women, and they have a much wider choice of sexual partners than anyone else. As such, they must be having sex all the time.
Just because bisexual guys have more options than the rest of us doesn't necessarily mean that they are slutty or that they sleep around a lot. Bisexuality does not equate to polygamy. And besides, don't they say the same thing about gay guys? In reality, a person's sexual orientation does not dictate his sexual appetite. Sleeping around or cheating is actually a result of a person's character.
5. Don't get jealous
Jealousy is a relationship killer. If you are in a relationship with a gay guy, you may have a tendency to get jealous everytime he talks to another guy. Imagine how it would be like to date a bisexual guy. You could go crazy because no matter where he goes, and no matter who he talks to, you are not safe!
Try not to get too jealous, my friend. If you do, it could spell the end of your relationship (and quite possibly your sanity). Jealousy creates paranoia, and can lead you to believe things that are not necessarily there. Your relationship needs to be based on trust. Don't accuse him of anything unless you have undeniable proof worthy of being presented as evidence in court.
6. People will ask; Be ready
When your friends find out about your bisexual partner, they will surely ask a lot of questions. They are likely to bring up different misconceptions that they have, and try to convince you to find somebody else. They will ask for sordid details, and question you about your readiness to "compete" with both men and women. Take this as an opportunity to explain things and to make people understand how things really work. Maybe, just maybe, you will end up helping the fight against ignorance and discrimination in your own little way.
We all have our personal struggles, and the bisexual community has its own share of problems and concerns. Just like homosexuals, they need to be freed from stereotype and pre-conceived notions. A relationship between a gay guy and a bisexual guy will not be a walk in the park. However, as long as there is mutual love and respect it should be able to withstand the test of time.
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