BidVertiser

Showing posts with label LGBT Community. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LGBT Community. Show all posts

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Pope Francis Gets A Lecture On Homosexual Couples And The Joys Of Sex

An Australian couple explained the joys of sex to senior members of the Catholic Church and to Pope Francis himself. Married for 55 years, the couple also called for the inclusion of homosexual couples within the faith.

Ron and Mavis Pirola are former members of the Pontifical Council for the Family. They are also directors of the Australian Catholic Marriage and Family Council. Together with five other couples, they have been tasked to address 200 bishops  at the Vatican's Synod on the Family.

image courtesy of smh.com.au

What the group of priests dis not expect was how progressive the theme of the speech would be. The Pirolas said that sex is an essential foundation for marriage. They also mentioned that their relationship and spirituality as sexual attraction brought them together and has sustained their marriage for more than half a century. In part: "That attraction that we first felt and the continued bonding force between us was basically sexual. The little things we did for each other, the telephone calls and love notes, the way we planned our day around each other and the things we shared were outward expressions of our longing to be intimate with each other."

More importantly, they said that the inclusion of gay couples in church would be a model of evangelization across the globe: "Friends of ours were planning their Christmas family gathering when their gay son said he wanted to bring his partner home too. They fully believed in the church's teachings and they knew their grandchildren would see them welcome the son and his partner into the family. Their response could be summed up in four words, 'He is our son'."


Here are some of the other things that they said in their speech:

"Occasionally we looked at church documents, but they seemed to be from another planet with difficult language and not terribly relevant to our own experiences." 

"We need new ways and relatable language to touch people's hearts."

The audience was of course speechless. British Cardinal Vincent Nichols had this to say afterwards: "That's not what we bishops talk about mostly, quite honestly. But to hear that as the opening contribution did, I think, open an area ... and it was a recognition that that is central to the wellbeing of marriage often."

The synod was an initiative of Pope Francis for the church to workshop how traditional teachings on a range of family issues such as marriage, divorce and homosexuality can be made more relevant to today's Catholics. The pontiff is expected to issue a final document with recommendations offered by the synod next year.


YOU SHOULD ALSO READ:


Do you remember when you first came out of the closet? 

Should gay couples be allowed to legally adopt children? 

Egyptian Men Arrested And "Tested" For Homosexuality After Gay Marriage Goes Viral 

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Should The Ban On Blood Donations From Gay Men Be Lifted?

by Discreet Serpent

I am not a fan of needles, and I can count the number of times I donated blood with a couple of fingers. Hence, it came as a surprise to me when I found out that in some countries gay men (who have sex) are not eligible to donate blood. It was a "wow" moment for me, and not in a good way. Why on earth would such a discriminatory exclusion be put in place?
image courtesy of abcnews.go.com


As it turns out, "men who have sex with men" or MSMs have been prohibited from donating blood since around 1977 because of the mysterious virus that seemed to only affect gay guys: HIV.  MSMs had to be excluded from the possible donors' list because there was limited information about the virus. There was no way to measure or diagnose the agent, and there were no tests available. It made sense that the group of people believed to be exclusively carrying the virus be prevented from spreading it around, in a manner of speaking.

The FDA has since classified gay men as "high risk donors," no matter how "safe" they were. Note that the ban was put in place before HIV testing was made available.

Now, certain medical and LGBT groups are questioning this ban. The American Red Cross, the American Medical Association and the American Association of Blood Banks even called the FDA ban "discriminatory and not based on sound science." Given that the HIV virus can now be easily tested, would it make sense to just lift the ban altogether?

According to reports, lifting the blood donation ban from homosexual men would dramatically increase the amount of blood available for transfusion, and could literally save millions of lives. Roughly 291,145 liters of additional blood can be collected annually if gay men were allowed to donate. Even if the rule was just slightly relaxed to allow donations from guys who haven't had a sexual partner for at least year, this would still yield an estimated 150,000 liters.

image courtesy of nyulocal.com

So why is it no longer reasonable to keep the ban?

1. New Testing Methods
Diagnostic tests can now detect the nucleic acids corresponding to the HIV virus. It is now possible to identify an early infection within two weeks. If somebody gets a negative result over two weeks they are not likely to carry the virus at all.

2. Celibacy
If they are looking for gay donors who haven't had sex since 1977, then it sets an unreasonable expectation of celibacy. The numbers go higher if you include bisexuals, bi-curious, and straight guys who just "tried it out."

3. International Standards
Some countries have changed their standards in terms of accepting blood donations from MSMs. Canada, for instance, has lowered the "deferral period," or the period of time without man on man sex, to 5 years. Other countries no longer have such a deferral period (they are free to donate as long as they are clean).

4. Discriminatory
It is weird that men who have sex with other men are banned form donating forever, while men who have sex with women of "unknown status" or "HIV- positive status" are only banned for a year.

5. We Can Just Lie
What's to stop guys from lying about their sexual history anyway?

image courtesy of thecircular.org
I'm no expert on this field, but I do agree that changes could be made if the risk is no longer present or critical. We always hear about people who are desperate for donors' blood, and the blood banks sometimes have limited supply. This could potentially solve (or at least improve) the situation. If the risks are still high, then perhaps it's time to present a clearer (and less discriminatory) policy on blood donation eligibility.

I mentioned earlier that I have previously donated blood. I don't think I have ever encountered such a restriction here in the Philippines. Back in college, it was mandatory to donate blood (unless you're not medically qualified), and I've seen gay and straight guys line up with no issue. It makes me wonder if there are no such restrictions here (I asked a couple of people and they don't seem to know about this restriction), or if it's just not enforced (after all, Wikipedia classified the Philippines as having "indefinite" deferral for MSM).


YOU SHOULD ALSO READ:


Do your parents know that you’re gay? 

Should you hate on discreet guys who do NOT give out their pics? 

My Girl Best Friend Thought I Loved Her 

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Fake "Marriages of Convenience" Protecting Gay Asians

by Discreet Serpent

I read this article about gay Asians who resort to "marriages of convenience" just to protect themselves from the restrictive societies that they live in. They find a gay person of the opposite sex (gay guys look for lesbians, and vice versa), agree to marry them, and make everybody else think that they are living a "normal" and "happy" life.
image courtesy of merryrelationships.com
The guy in the article, Tariq, makes the marriage look genuine by making it look like his "wife" is actually living with him in his flat. He keeps some of her belongings scattered around the house, and even go as far as leaving "love letters" and "anniversary cards" in visible places. In reality, he lives alone and his wife stays with her lesbian lover a few minutes away.

Tariq and his wife did not unite in marriage just for fun. There are real dangers for people like them in certain Asian countries. If they reveal their true sexuality to others, they are facing the probability of being disowned or even physically hurt.

Here are some details on the status of homosexuality in select Asian countries:

Bangladesh: Homosexual activity is punishable between 10 years to life imprisonment. Gay individuals are not allowed in the military. There are also no laws against discrimination.

India: A colonial ban on homosexuality was overturned in 2009, but was re-instated four years later. Homosexual activity is punishable with up to life in jail.

Pakistan: Homosexual activities punishable between two years to life in jail. A“third gender,” however, is officially protected from discrimination.

Sri Lanka: Homosexual acts are illegal. There are no laws protecting gender identity. The LGBT community is not recognized.

Apparently, there are hundreds of similar couples living a lie just to avoid societal pressures. It is not uncommon for gay people to post "want ads" in websites, searching for someone who can go through the charade with them. People would rather get married to strangers who can help them live a semblance of a normal life, than risk being discovered, ridiculed, and penalized for being who they are.

image courtesy of anew-place.com


A marriage of convenience is not exactly ideal, for obvious reasons. In a perfect world, a person would enter into a marriage contract with someone that he truly loves and cherishes. If a marriage is made for any other reason than wanting to spend the rest of your life with your partner, then it will serve more like a prison. I can imagine how difficult the decision to get married with someone you don't truly love (or desire) can be. It's a terrible thing, and is against every moral fiber of the society. Being forced into one, however, is a fate that nobody deserves.


YOU MAY WANT TO READ:


When Your Boyfriend Prefers to Stay Inside His Closet 

Open Relationships: Salvation or Doom 

5 Signs That Your Ex Wants You Back 

Monday, September 22, 2014

School Boys Went To School In Skirts - For A Good Reason!

Photos of Brazilian male and female students wearing skirts circulated the web, and made everyone think that the future could be a much better place for the LGBTQ community.

image grabbed from Facebook




It all started when 17-year old transgender Maria Muniz (born Mario Muniz) was criticized and fined by the O Colégio Pedro II faculty for wearing a skirt to school. As part of the school's code of ethics, students are required to wear uniforms that are appropriate for their gender: girls should wear skirts while boys should wear trousers.

What happened next is both amazing and inspiring.

Maria's classmates rose to the occasion and decided to protest by coming to school wearing skirts. Boys and girls alike. They then took pictures of themselves and posted them on social media sites like Facebook.



The school, taken by surprise, decided to let Maria wear skirts and has started deliberating about what changes need to be made to the student code of ethics. "The sexual orientation is not important for us, all our students are equal," the school's principal said. "However, the uniform determines male and female clothing, but we will study a new manual of coexistence."

Maria was full of joy for the support given to her by her peers. "I am really happy about the way my classmates supported me, and I hope it serves as an example to others to feel encouraged to do the right thing. I was always taught at school to accept who you are. I am only trying to live that." 

This act of support and solidarity gained support from the Twitter community.





If there's anything to be learned from this wondrous act of valiance, it's that nothing is too small if we want to effect huge changes in the world. Even students, who are typically labelled as "powerless" and "juvenile" have the power the send us so called adults a gut wrenching wake up call once in a while.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

First "Open Mosque" Opened In South Africa

Cape Town, South Africa just made a mark on the world map. Last Friday, worshipers of the Muslim faith came together for the very first time at an "open mosque." This place of worship is intended to be used by anyone regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Women will also be allowed to be prayer leaders.
image courtesy of bbc.com



The open mosque is the brain child of Taj Hargey, an academic and cleric at Oxford University. He las long been against "fundamentalist interpretations of Islam," and conceptualized the place of worship as a direct opposition and challenge to extremists.

The mosque opening faced opposition ranging from protests outside the building to death threats. Hargey received threats about beheading him, castrating him, and hanging him. He has also been labeled as a heretic and a non-believer.

image courtesy of bbc.com
I am not sure how long this can go on, considering the level of violence that seems to be escalating from outside forces. I am also not certain how the Islam community (as a whole) would accept this radical change. This is tricky. I am, however, ecstatic that there are brave and radical people in this world who are willing to take the difficult first steps towards unity and equality.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Facebook Faces The Wrath Of Drag Queens Over "Legal Name" Policy

Facebook has been getting a lot of heat from drag queens all over the world. This was brought about by the social networking site's policy to require "real" and "legal" names on their users' profiles. The company stands firm that using real names encourages "trust and accountability" amongst its users, and makes it easier for them to hold people responsible for malicious and offensive content.

image courtesy of venturebeat.com
This policy, however, does not suit well with the drag queens. "Sister Roma," a San Francisco drag personality, triggered the outrage when she was forced by Facebook to change her name to "Michael Williams." They now threatened to picket outside Facebook's office to protest.


Facebook's initial reaction: "If people want to use an alternative name on Facebook, they have several different options available to them, including providing an alias under their name on their profile, or creating a page specifically for that alternative persona."

Protesters, however, have a solid counter attack: "Although our names might not be our 'legal' birth names, they are still an integral part of our identities, both personally and to our communities. [Stage names] help protect their privacy and anonymity, with good reason. Victims of abuse, trans people, queer people who are not able to be safely 'out,' and performers alike need to be able to socialize, connect, and build communities on social media safely. By forcing us to use our 'real' names, it opens the door to harassment, abuse, and violence."

At this time, it seems that Facebook has opened its doors to a possible discussion and settlement:


There is currently a Change.org petition asking Facebook to allow the use of stage names for these performers. It can be viewed at this link.

image courtesy of pablogallaga.com

Rantings:

I can totally understand Facebook's policy on using real names. Social networking sites have been used as tools for anonymous bullying, harassment and crimes, and it is about time that they enforce additional security measures for the users' protection. Facebook needs to a safe place where users can freely connect without fear of being victimized by people with malicious intent.

Having said that, Facebook should also consider the need of some people to use aliases to promote their livelihood and protect their personal interests. As what was mentioned above, some people need to  hide behind the safety of makeup and fake names in order to survive. Expose them and they could get beaten up and bullied at every turn. Take this away from them, and you are just exposing them to further harm.

I sincerely hope that Facebook and the LGBTQ community reaches a mutually acceptable solution to this issue. I am pretty sure that there are a lot more options that can be presented other than forcing people to create fan page. As one of the drag queens said in an interview: "I detest the idea of having a Fan Page. I'm not fucking Britney Spears. I have friends, not fans."

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Gay Creativity: Are Gay People More Creative Than Straight People?

by Discreet Serpent

I had a nice conversation about creativity and homosexuality recently. The subject: whether gay people are inherently more creative than straight people. Sure, we are all created equal. But somehow, industries that rely on creativity have been dominated by homosexuals and bisexuals. Fashion, music, publishing, and movies: these businesses may be geared towards pleasing everyone but look closely and you will notice that gay people are running the show. This begs the question: is creativity somehow synonymous with homosexuality?


image courtesy of dramaqueennyc.com

Creativity in Open Cities
Numbers don't lie, and it is a proven fact that cities with high density gay populations (such as San Francisco and Los Angeles) also have a good showing in terms of creative output. Fields like interior decoration, music, public relations, entertainment, and fashion have a high percentage of workers that are gay. It seems like gay people are naturally inclined to entering ventures that hone our creativity. It helps that these open-minded cities appreciate such talents, and are welcoming of gay people.

Creativity and Empathy
From a psychological perspective, creativity is borne of empathy. It takes understanding of another individual's feelings and thoughts to break the barrier of monotony and look for something better. Knowing what other people's feelings are would give you an edge in terms of harnessing your creative juices. Knowing your audience/reader/listener/customer's thoughts can lead your insights towards the right direction.

Empathy is usually honed from childhood experiences. You understand others better if you have personally experienced their loss or suffering. The most empathic persons have seen death, trauma, illness, or bullying at one point in their lives. These experiences make a person think differently about the world, forcing them to observe what other people only ignore. Could this be why gay people are more creative? Most of us had to endure discrimination and bullying growing up, and these life lessons could have impacted our ability to become more creative.

image courtesy of frontiersla.com
The Male and Female Perspective
Biologically speaking, men and women are different. This is why it can be difficult for one to understand the other's point of view. Gay people, however, have the unique capability of seeing things from the perspective of both man and woman. I'm not sure how this works, exactly, but gay guys have a good balance between masculinity and femininity. And this delicate complication could possibly be why we are (generally) more creative. We see things differently, and in this state we are able to create ideas that are out of the box.

Closeted Gay People are Less Creative
On this note, it was pointed out to me that there is a tendency for closeted individuals to be less creative than their "out and proud" counterparts. As a discreet gay guy, my tendency was to be defensive. That, to me, did not make a whole lot of sense. But as I listened to the argument (from someone who has years of experience in the entertainment industry, no less), I realized that he may have a point. It appears that closeted guys create a protective wall around them to shield them from being outed. This proverbial wall, in turn, limits the flow of creativity. There are things that a closeted guy won't admit, and topics that he is hesitant to discuss.

The Future
While some of these arguments aren't scientifically proven, the fact that the gay community has taken over a good chunk of creativity-related industries is indisputable. "Gay" has been made synonymous with "creative." Yes, we are different. And in this difference lies the kind of thinking that will propel our society to another level.


RELATED TOPICS:


Do you remember when you first came out of the closet? 

Should gay couples be allowed to legally adopt children? 

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Should Gay Couples Be Allowed To Legally Adopt Children?

by Discreet Serpent


image courtesy of www.west-info.eu
At some point in a gay couple's relationship the question of raising children will come into play. Will it be a good idea to have children? Are they financially and emotionally prepared for this next step? How will their friends and family members react to this news? What kind of home will they be able to provide to these kids? Will it be difficult to process the adoption papers and requirements? Is adoption by gay couples legal in our location?

With these questions in mind, I asked random gay respondents this question: "Do you think that gay couples should be allowed to legally adopt children? Will this have a positive or negative impact on the development of the kids?"


The general consensus: It is about time that gay couples are allowed to legally adopt. Raising children to become good citizens does not depend on the parents' sexual preference. Good people raise good children; bad people raise bad children. At least, generally speaking. 

In my country, gay marriage is not legal and there isn't even a good domestic partnership law enforced. Gay people are considered as individual citizens who are not entitled to community property or even reduced taxation (resulting from marriage). As such, legally adopting as a couple is not even an option.

There are ways to circumvent these limitations, of course. I know of some couples who adopt children individually but raise them collectively. One parent legally adopts, and the other simply takes on the role. In the eyes of the law, however, only the legal adoptive parent (the one whose name is written in the adoption papers) has legal custody and rights. 

Legalizing gay marriage and adoption, at least in my country, may take a while to happen. While there is a growing tolerance for diversity, people are still very sensitive about certain things, religion and family being at the top of the list. The society sees homosexuality as a deviance, and is therefore concerned about how gay parents would affect the emotional and spiritual growth of children.



The real question, it would seem, is how being raised by gay parents would affect a child's overall development. 

I am not a psychologist, nor am I an expert in this matter. All I have is experience and an informed opinion formed by years of observation. And my readers' reactions. I believe that having homosexual parents do not have a negative effect on the kids, per se. As long as the child is raised in a protective and loving family, he or she should be alright.

The challenge would be in how the rest of the world accepts this scenario. Parents will not be able to shelter their kids all the time, and there is a huge possibility of them getting bullied in school because of their situation. Adults at church may look at them differently because of their background. Social media is another beast when it comes to these things. The child could be left vulnerable and scarred for life.

Special care should be given to these children. It may sound discriminatory and it may sound condescending, but this is a reality. Children raised by gay couples should constantly be given guidance by their parents (and maybe other adult role models). They need to fully understand their situation, and be made aware of how lucky they are to have a loving and supportive family. They need to be prepared for the inevitable bullying, and to know how to handle those kinds of situations. They need to accept who they are and who their parents are so that no amount of ridicule can make them feel ashamed. These things, I think, need to happen until gay adoption becomes a norm.


In some parts of the world, gay adoption has become widely accepted. Thanks to gay couples who were brave enough to revolutionize change. It was challenging at the start, but we now see how gay couples were able to raise commendable citizens. I would dare say that this difference probably even made them stronger and better members of the society. A good example would be Zach Wahls, whose speech made waves in the Iowa House of Representatives back in 2011. 



Change is inevitable, and it can be good. We just need to keep an open mind about it. And we need to start somewhere and continue moving in the right direction.


RELATED POSTS:


Are gay guys incapable of monogamy? 

What gay men think about gay marriage 

5 Reasons you shouldn't chat with a minor

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

What Lesbians Think About Gay Men

by Discreet Serpent



Found this video called "What Lesbians Think About Gay Men" on YouTube today. It featured lesbians who were voicing out their thoughts about gay men, and a portion where gay men's perceptions were shared back to the ladies. I found the discussion rather distasteful, though I have a feeling that most of the things said are probably existing in real life.

Here are some of the stereotypes about gay guys that were discussed:
- Gay men are promiscuous. They probably have had sexual partners in ridiculously high numbers.
- Gay men smell like fruity chapsticks.
- Gay men wear pink pants, tight clothes, and look like girls.
- Gay men act like they are always in a hurry.
- In gay relationships, one party is head over heels in love while the other one couldn't care less.

In a related video referenced, gay guys supposedly had the following things to say about lesbians:
- Lesbians are boring cat lover who are desperate for love.
- Lesbians are always angry.

Like I said, my initial reaction was one of distaste. These stereotypes are just downright stupid, after all. But after a short reflection, I realized that these are borne from reality. I've seen it around me, and I have to admit that I have my own experiences with judging and being judged. I am guilty of believing certain stereotypes about lesbians and other people who are different from me. In the same manner, I have heard inaccurate and even hateful things said about discreet gay guys.

There is, indeed, an existing misunderstanding (and animosity) even amongst the factions of the LGBT community.

I have not always been comfortable with lesbians and loud gay guys. Not something to be proud of, but  that's just how it was. I thought lesbians were scary and could be the heck out of me any given day. Being in the presence of loud gay guys, on the other hand, usually gave me a feeling of unease. I didn't even care enough to know the difference between transexual and transgender. Most of my friends were "straight" or "discreet."

I suppose with maturity and the need to interact with different types of people (thanks to my day job)  came a certain level of understanding, tolerance, and acceptance. Understanding that not everyone needs to be canned within the confines of a certain stereotype. Tolerance in how we deal with differences and inequality. Acceptance that each of us have our own uniqueness that makes us who we are. I believe that I have grown so much as a person, as evidenced by the fact that my circle of friends has exponentially grown. I am no longer chained by useless limitations set by differences in age, culture, or sexual preference. I think I have learned to see past superficial facades, and go straight to the things that are substantial. Nonetheless, I know I still have a long way to go.

I like how the video ended. No, not the part where the host said that the lesbians would still need the gay guys to decorate the houses that lesbians will build (though that was funny, IMO). It is true that we should learn to accept and understand each other for who we are rather than use these differences as excuses to not get along.

Friday, August 1, 2014

Does Bisexuality Exist?

by Discreet Serpent

There's a lot of confusion with the term "bisexuality" even in the LGBT community. What does it mean? Does it even exist? Is it just something that gay people use to justify their behavior? The dictionary defines the word BISEXUAL as "a person who is sexually attracted to both men and women." Pretty straightforward. But why the confusion?



"A bisexual person has an affair with a man and a woman at the same time..."
I actually have a friend who thought that being bisexual meant having a sexual affair with a man and a woman at the same time. Like having a wife and a guy lover on the side. She's a bit clueless about the world so I just laughed at her limited understanding (I did explain things to her afterwards, so imagine her embarrassment). Admittedly, she said that her knowledge of human sexuality is limited to what the bible says (notwithstanding the fact that she has me as a best friend). She was raised that way, and had limited exposure to the world.

"Bisexuality is a stepping stone to being gay..."
This is a common misconception in the gay world. I have a lot of friends who used to claim they were bisexual before "transitioning" to full gayhood. This usually happens at the awkward stage where they get a girlfriend to avoid ridicule from friends and family members. Others claim that they just pretended to be bi because it sounded way cooler than being gay, as if being gay is something that they should be ashamed of. Once they come out, they believe with absolute certainty (and even preach to the world) that those who claim to be bi now will end up being 100% gay in the near future.

"If you have sex with a guy, you must be gay..."
I've had this conversation with friends (mostly women) in the past. "OMG, I heard Marissa's dad had sex with the driver. Who knew he was gay?" "Mr. Santos got drunk and slept with the gay slut Brent. He's gay!!" "If you even entertain the thought of having a guy touch you inappropriately, then you must be gay..." Honestly, I got tired of explaining things at some point. So yeah, my brother held hands with another guy at church, he must be gay!

"I like being friends with men and women, too. I'm bisexual."
There was this young girl talking to a guy. Guy comes out and tells her he's bisexual. What's that, she asked. A bisexual person likes being with boys and girls, he explains. "Ohhh... I like hanging out with both guys and girls. I'm bisexual. What's the big deal?" This, on national freakin television. What an adorable conversation.

"I look like a guy, act like a guy, talk like a guy, but like men. I'm bisexual."
We have all heard this before, haven't we?

I'm no expert, but here's what I think. First, I do believe that love knows no gender. Most people like one type of person (guys or girls). But there are also people who like to go both ways. I myself used to be bisexual. At this point in time, I only say I'm gay because I haven't been with a woman for a long, long time. Do I get attracted to them? Sure, but my standards for women are waaaay higher than my standards for men. You need to look like a supermodel before I would even consider going to bed with you. For men? Not so much. In a perfect world (where discrimination does not exist), a person (man or woman) gets to choose someone to love because of who they are and not what they are.

I also believe that our understanding of the term "bisexual" may be limited by our personal experiences. This is where the confusion arises. Most people understand the word based on how it was explained to them, how they experienced it, or how they were taught as kids. I don't think this will be cleared up by a simple blog or even by media in the next couple of years. Hopefully, we will get there sooner rather than later.

Image courtesy of www.thebacklot.com

Bidvertiser

Chitika