An open relationship is one where the parties have agreed to "see other people" and experience "intimacy with consent." This setup remains a mystery for a lot of people, but we often see it in profiles of gay guys who have online chat accounts. I have always wondered about the logic behind the choice to engage in this seemingly complicated setup. As such, I sent out these questions to people from all over the globe:
"Do you think being in an open relationship is a viable option for gay guys? Why do people choose to be in this setup? Will this work out or is the relationship doomed to failure? Have you ever been in such a situation?"
 |
| image courtesy of au.reachout.com |
Relationship without love
A good majority of my respondents thought that being in an open relationship is the gateway to hell, so to speak. True loving relationships, in their opinion, should be based on love and commitment between two people. There is no room for other people especially when it comes to intimacy. If you love someone, you can not bear to see them with somebody else.
For these guys, people who would like to enter in open relationships should just stay single. That way, they could date whoever they want and not hurt anyone in the process. They can sleep around without complication.
Jealous much?
Jealousy also plays an important role in this. Even if the parties agree to the setup, one of them is bound to be jealous and insecure about his partner spending time with another person. It is enough to drive someone crazy, and this could certainly strain the relationship.
An excuse for promiscuity
These same set of people also believe that "open relationships" could be an excuse made to justify promiscuity. These couples want to have the "best of both worlds." They want to have the "security" of having someone stable, but at the same time reject the concept of commitment.
Know how to separate love and sex
There was also quite a number of guys who stepped up and admitted to being in a working open relationship. Their primary defense? You just need to know how to separate love and sex. Love is something you share with a special person, someone you share everything else with. Sex, on the other hand, is just a form of physical pleasure to satisfy one's carnal urges. Their open relationships have worked well because they know their limits and they have the freedom to do what they want to do.
Relationship saver
Some respondents said that being in an open relationship was not part of the original agreement, but it ended up saving their relationship in the end. Most of these guys have been in a relationship for years, and they have reached a stale point where they have seemingly exhausted their sexual adventures. Having sex with other people, especially together (like in a threesome), has spiced up their sex lives and made them re-discover excitement. They learn from other people and are able to apply these new experiences in their own sessions.
Just follow the rules
The only way for open relationships to work, according to the respondents, is to set guidelines and to follow these rules. The initial conversation will be tricky, but they need to come up with limitations that are acceptable to both parties. They could, for instance, agree that they could only sleep with other people when they are out of town. They could also agree to never sleep with another guy for more than one time. These rules give the parties peace of mind, but also allow them a certain freedom to experiment.
Solves the cheating issue
For these men, honesty and trust is very important in a relationship. They acknowledge that cheating is prevalent, especially in the gay society. They know that at some point, they will mess up and end up sleeping with another guy. They just want to save themselves the trouble of having to be hurt and betrayed by opening up the possibility in the first place. They understand their weaknesses, and they want to honor the relationship by being open about wanting certain freedoms.
A curious observation: open relationships seem to be more prevalent in the gay community as compared to straight couples. Or at the very least, it is a more open topic in our community. Straight couples seem to be wary of the subject, and have limited tolerance to the idea. I'm not sure if there's a scientific reason there somewhere (girls are more jealous? straight guys are more threatened?), and it's probably a topic for another day.
Whatever works for you
At the end of the day, I suppose each couple chooses what works best for them. What's important is that they fully understand what they want, and know exactly how to go about their setup. Rules may be restrictive for some, but I think they make relationships work. At this point I really don't think that theres one relationship model that's 100% effective. A relationship is what we make out of them. They work if we want them to work.
RELATED POSTS:
Should you trust your boyfriend with his EX?
Are gay guys incapable of monogamy?
What gay men think about gay marriage
No comments:
Post a Comment