5 Things To Consider Before Entering Into An Open Relationship

I got several inquiries and reactions after I posted the "Open Relationships: Salvation or Doom" article last month. Some people were adamant in saying that there is no justification for entering such a complicated setup. Being in a real loving relationship means a connection between two people, and third parties have no place at all. Others were grateful that the "taboo" topic was openly discussed and that valid reasons were given to explain why people would opt for such a setup.

Being in an open relationship is indeed complicated, but as I have seen it could work for some couples. It would probably take more effort from both parties, but the payoff could be worth it in the end. Here are some things that you need to know before you consider being in this kind of relationship:

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1. Are you ready to be jealous?
We are talking about your partner potentially sleeping with other people. People who could be hotter than you, more intelligent than you, more interesting than you, and likely better endowed. No matter how progressive you think you are, there will be certain situations where you will feel a bit insecure and a tad jealous. Is that something that you can handle? Or will that lead you to a path of self-destruction? Ultimately, you will be the one suffering so you need to be really honest about this, and you need to make sure that you can handle jealousy when it comes knocking on your brain.

2. Are you stable?

Stability here does not necessarily pertain to mental stability (although it would be a plus) or financial stability (which is irrelevant in this case). Before you enter into an open relationship, you should make sure that your current relationship is stable. Have you been with your partner for a long time? Has your relationship stood the test of time? Are you certain that you can sustain your relationship no matter what happens? Having a strong foundation based on trust and love would help a lot if you and your partner decide to take the leap and venture into an open relationship.

If you are considering this setup with a new partner, it would be more tricky. I think that trust is essential if open relationships are to work, and trust is not something that happens overnight. In this case, the stability needs to come from within you. You have a better chance of surviving if you come into an open relationship with a strong head and steady emotions. It would be a bad idea to come into this if you are stressed out in life.

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3. Are you ready to be fair?

Reciprocity is the name of the game. In an open relationship, you need to be willing to let your partner do something if you want to do something. You can't be sleeping around and expect your partner to be monogamous. If you go out on dates to get to know your potential "hits," then he should be allowed to do the same. 

4. Are you ready to communicate?

First, you need to have a lengthy discussion with your partner. Be clear as to what you want out of this setup, and make sure that he speaks his mind as well. Specific is terrific. Set up rules if you need to, and set boundaries. Are you only allowed to sleep with other people when you are in another time zone? Are you allowed to sleep with someone more than once? Are you limited to having sex with others only when both of you are present? Are you required to tell each other about your exploits? Who are you allowed to sleep with? Do you have a "no bang list" or a list of people that you should never touch (like relatives or exes)?  Rules will make you maintain a certain amount of trust and will help you sustain your open relationship. It will also set you apart from being just a normal couple who sleeps around with others.

You should also be upfront with other people who could be affected by your decision. If you engage in one night stands with other people then there should be no problem. If you have a more regular third party partner, however, he should know what he is signing up for. Spare him the drama and let him know that you are already in an open relationship.

You may also want to consider telling your friends about your setup. That way, they won't get stressed if they see you or your partner getting sexy with other people.

5. What are your reasons behind entering this setup?
If you are entering this setup to save an already doomed relationship, then chances the relationship is doomed anyway. This is not a quick fix or a patch you can use to save something that is already over.


From what I gathered, open relationships could be great if it's something that works out for you. It gives you enough freedom to meet and learn from other people while maintaining that one special relationship that's for keeps. It gets you out of being monotonous, and it spices up a relationship. And you can just imagine the conversations that you and your partner can have based on your new experiences! But then again, this setup does not work for a lot of people. As such, it's not something that you should get into without serious thought and consideration.


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